You sound exactly like me and what I have been through. There is some comfort in that.
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You are right on many things and I have beat myself up over what I could/should have done differently, but if you are not told there are issues in your marriage then how can you try to resolve them?
I was not told of any issues before the bomb. Understand that no one is perfect and there is no perfect marriage or relationship. We are all human and, thus, we ALL have flaws.
Another thing I have come to realize after changing myself for the better, becoming a better friend, husband and father over the last 9 months since the bomb, is that if I changed myself, and, as my W has told me, "nothing's changed" with regard to her decision to D me, then I have much less to do with what "caused" W to want a D than I previously thought or what W has convinced herself of.
In short, I have come to realize that the majority of the reason my W sees D as the only option is she is unhappy with her life. She thinks I am the reason she is unhappy, but she's wrong. And only time and seperation from me will show her that. It's sad that my family will be torn apart for her to learn this lesson, IF she ever does. But, I have the peace of knowing that, unlike my W, I did everything I could to save our M and family. If my best wasn't good enough, then the problem wan't ME. It's HER.
