[list] [*]let me give you some background about why I am here:
- 1yr. ago this month my wife dropped the separation bomb. I refused to leave our family home and walk out on my sons. I had been the Mr. Mom, stay at home dad for nearly two years and was unemployeed.
- March 2009 she dropped the bomb that she wanted a divorce - April 2009 my suspicion that there was an affair going on was confirmed. I also discovered that she had given notice to our landlord that we would no longer be renting our home, but failed to tell me. I found out while snooping through papers at on her desk. I also listened to her talking to a friend on the phone one night explaining her plan to leave our family home, rent a new house for her and our sons and then file for divorce in two months. In doing so, she would have established a residence without me for her and the kids and therefore would gain a custodial advantage of our sons, so that she could get full custody. - May, I get a lawyer who tells me that if I don't act imediately I would lose my kids. So I filed for divorce on May 6th. (It's important to note that I had begun DB back in Feb. 2009 in order to hopefully save my marriage and my family from divorce. My decision to file was incredibly painfull and scarry.)
I will have more to follow, but I didn't want to give you a novel on my first post here.
It is my hope to build a support group here and to help to support all of you in any way I can. My heart goes out to all of you. Please feel free to write anything to me, and keep in touch. I COULD REALLY USE SOME FRIENDS TO TALK TO!
Crap. OK, lemme go get a few friends, and I'll be back. Kinda have my hands full at the moment. I'm also involved in a custody thing that is unpleasant. And I filed for D (again) on Thursday. Meanwhile, write the novel...here. It will help people understand your sitch. Also helps to add info in your signature line (mine needs updating). Peace. Goldey
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
OK, I think I'm kinda caught up. Welcome to the D Train. Not a sprint, by any stretch of the imagination. Are you reading any books? Do you have a church? Besides Dad, who are the people you can talk to? Pay attention: The answers all begin with the word "I".
Good to hear from you again. I see your W hasn't changed her tune. She was the one who was smoking pot at one time wasn't she?
Well I wouldn't worry too much about the custody thing. Especially since she hasn't been paying you. That shows what kind of mother she really is. Keep up with the record keeping and have the courts follow up with her for the money. I would say the next time you go to issue a complaint about not receiving funds, that you add the stipulation that each time you have to do something legal because of her inaction, she is required to pay your legal bill. That should help move things along.
You have to give her some kind of consequence for her actions. And since the beginning, there hasn't been any consequences for her to fall against. She is still acting like the spoiled teenager.
Keep up with the updates.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
First, I just want to say how much it means for me to be on here again and that you have taken your time to talk with me. I have a hard time talking with my family about this now. As much as they are in support of me, I think they also can only handle so much and I already feel like and incredible burden.
Second, I would like to add to the novel:
- so I filed for divorce on May 6th. 2009 - On the day I filed for divorce I was in my lawyers office when he called my wife to tell her that I would be filing and that she could not leave to go anywhere whith the boys. My older son was at my parents house and my younger son was with her at her daycare buisness. Well she flipped out and hung up on the lawyer. My lawyer told me to go emediately to the bank and take out a few thousand dollers. We only had a few thousand, so I took half. I then went to my parents house, where I was called by the respondent wanting to know where older son was and that I was to bring him to here right now. By the way she was screaming and swearing at me the whole time. I told her that I would be bringing him home in about an hour and would pick up a pizza. She screamed at me and told me she would be moving her mom into the house until she moved out. Yeah! A few minutes later my lawyer calls me to see if everything is ok because my wife had called his office and yelled at them and hung up and then her mom did the same. He then advised me to not go home that night and that my son and I would be better off if we let her cool off for one night. I was concerned for my younger son, but I knew she wouldn't hurt him.
The next day my son and I retuned to the house. Upon walking in the door I was greeted by my mohter in law video taping me. She proceded to follow me through the house. I went into my room and found that it had been torn apart and things of mine were taken.
For the next ten days it went like that. I found out that the reason for the video taping of me was to try and build some case that I was going to freak out and they needed to record it. You see her the respondent changed tactics at that point and began to try and paint me as an abuser that she was afraid of. That's how she justified her mom being in the house.
- May 16th. 2009. she moves out of our family home while the boys were with me. The boys and I came home to an empty house. If I had not thought ahead and prepared for the possibility that she might take everything, we wouldn't even have had pots and pans to cook with. The house was empty! That was hard to explain to my sons.
- At that point I had no job nor the money to get a place to live. In addition, Our house was supposed to be vacated completely on that day. I stayed for two more weeks. One night a man knocked on the door and I was served with a three day notice to vacate the house, The boys watched. Another night, while sitting on the living room floor the man came again to serve me eviction paper, but I didn't answer the door. I had to tell the boys to be quiet so that he would not know we were in the house. That sucked!
- June 1st. I moved into my fathers house. I have been here since, thank GOD!
- she also tried to screw me out of fathers day weekend. She told the little men that they didn't have to spend fathers day with me if they didn't want to.
- June 22 was our first court date. She was ordered to pay me 1800 a month in spousel support and we were to share custody of our sons pending a custody evaluation.
In her papers she claimed that I was verbally and emotionally abusive to her and our sons. That I was to harsh with my sons and had to high of expectations of them. She said she was afraid for them when they were with me and wanted full physical custody of them. This was her stategy.
I was terified! Her claims were so untrue that it shocked me to my core. My family who had watched us and made their opinion of our relationship and us as parents were also shocked. There characterization was that I was somewhat if not totally whipped and that she ordered me around essentially. As for being a father, they said that I was one of the most kind and attentive fathers they had observed. (now this is my family,so it must be taken with a grain of salt.)
- One week after being ordered to pay me family support the respondents lawyer files a moting for relief from paying any support to me, claiming hardship and that her buisness was not making ecough money.
- She didn't provide any money for over a month and when she did it was for 500 bucks, not the 1800 ordered.
- Mid July the custody evaluation occurs. - this consisted of my going alone to speak with the evaluator for one hour. In which, I essentially told her my side of the story of how we got here and how important my role as a father was to me. - she had a meeting with the evaluator as well. - then I took the little men to see the evaluator and then the respondent did as well.
- August: - Finally get back the evaluation for custody. The evaluator characterized me as being intelectual and therough. She felt that the little men were slightly more affectionate with her than with me, but they were more respectful and well behaved with me than with her. She said that the respondent and somewhat trouble controling the little men and seemed stressed.
Since then we have gone to court a several times. It was determined that we should share legal and physical custody. THIS WAS BY FAR THE MOST IMPORTANT AD MEANINGFUL NEWS I HAVE HAD AlL YEAR. My sons mean everything to me. I am a family man's family man. I love being a father!!!!!!!!
I filed three counts of contempt of court against her for not paying the court ordered family support as well as not paying for the CPA to evaluated the buisness.
Unfortunately her strategy to not pay me and let the buisness go to hell paid off. The family support was decreased from 1800/month to 250/month. She was to begin paying me this amount in October. Since then she has paid a total 240 back in Nov. and 100 on Friday.
NOW I HAVE MORE TO ADD ABOUT THE TOLL ON MY SONS AND WHAT SHE HAS PUT THEM THROUGH. AS WELL AS HER CAMPAIN OF PARENTAL ALIENATION THAT SHE CONTIUES TO USE ON THEM.
ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE FOR ME! I HOPE I CAN RETURN IT TO YOU SOMEHOW.
By the way we are in a current stalemate of sorts in the divorce sttlement. You see she/we own a preschool bisness that she directs and operates. She claims that the buisness is worth nothing and is currently failing due to the economy. Therefoe she claims I am entitled to nothing and she can't afford to provide me with the court oredered family support.
Her statagey of not paying the buisness bills, our bills or her bills has paid off. She claims that she has to borrow money from her mother to pay her $2000/month rent each month. As well as for food and housing bills like electricity. So what she has done is to not pay her bills until just before whatever it is, is about to be shut off, then she pays. She makes a copy of it and submits it to the court in an attempt to show how hard her life is.
What she fails to mention is that she left our family home to rent a home for her and our sons. The deposit required for her to move into her new house as well as the last months rent came to a total of $5000. I found this out while snooping in an email she had writen to the OM while she still lived with me. Nor does she seem to remember that I was jobless and had no money. And if not for the fact that my father was able to take me in I would be homeless.
It wasn't until mid-November that I was fortunate enough to get a job. All the while not having a job I lived with my father as I mentioned. He lives 1/2hr. away frm the city we lived in, that the respondent still lives in and my oldest son goes to school in. Since I moved into my fathers home she has refused to drive my sons to my house. She claims that she is only required to drop them off half way. It just so happens that the halfway point is essentially in the middle of know where in a parking lot. Nice! That's the message she wants to send to her sons that she doesn't even have enough respect for then to drive the, to their other home.
In my opinion that is the point now. THEY, HAVE TWO HOMES NOW! It wasn't there choice, it was hers. But it is them that suffers the most displacement and she will not even show then the respect to recognize that it is about then now. That the reality is, they now have two homes. I have made this point to her over and over. I have told her that I will never exchange them with her other than exactly where they are going. Be it at their home with her or at their school. Her response is to tell me that she understands how I feel about it, but she will continue to make the exchange when she is dropping off, at the half way point.
