Your post to Cinco: "I have in-laws who are essentially "friends and family for life", kids, and shared experiences going all the way back to college. My wife knew my grandparents, and I hers. A new woman can't be a replacement to all of that. She would be an addition to a life that would necessarily include my ex-wife in many ways."
My response: Big freaking deal. My ex-husband's first wife before me (and remember, we're divorced now) is STILL in my life, because when my ex and I got married, I married his entire past...including his ex-wife being in my life even after I divorced him. And the problem is....? What? So your wife, possibly your future ex-wife, would have to stay in your life after divorce? Trust me, this WILL happen, zero need for you to worry about it in the least...and is only another excuse you are making that has nothing to do with the truth of your life.
Your post: Likewise, I would expect a new woman near my age to have the same history and family network and obligations.
My response: So? And this is relevant because...? You don't think you could love more people in your life? I have news for you, you can.
Your post: It's obvious to me now why the so-called European-style mistress works for some people, especially when both partners have deep ties to family and in-laws that they don't want to change.
My response: You are still trying to "one-up" us "lowly Americans" with your nonsense. Again, this is simply your justification and has no basis in fact. Remember...I WAS YOU, so I know what justification is, my dear ssmguy.
Your post: But at times, and thinking only on the surface, it seems utterly absurd to completely change virtually everything -- house, family, in-laws, financial obligations, etc. -- just so you can have sex for a few hours a week in a manner which other people would "approve of", as if it were any of their business in the first place.
Copied from my post above yours to Cinco: And oh well, it didn't matter all that much did it? I was still coming home every night, taking care of my family, being there for them, loving them, did it really matter if I just got a quick sexual thrill now and then from other than my husband? It was simply a thrill, what was the big damn deal? Certainly my taking care of my entire family was showing my true colors and the thrill was just a side thing that I "needed" because my husband didn't give me what I "needed". I "needed" it you see, therefore because it was a "need" of mine I was entitled to get that "need" met.
My response to your post and my post: Kinda scary isn't it? We were actually typing this at the same time. No matter what you try to tell yourself, the truth is going to kick you in the butt, my dear. Trust me on that. You are simply feeling entitled and justified, there is no other reason for your behavior, no matter how you want to believe there is. You just don't want to face the truth, so you have to justify. Been there, done that....thanking my stars that I finally have my head on straight now, but boy what a price I paid.
Your post: Let go? For that matter, I gently suggested to my wife that perhaps we should consider divorce. Is it what she wanted? Would she think it would be the best? If for no other reason, I said it to get her thinking about it. Her emphatic answer was no.
My response: Newsflash and part of my story you didn't know...when I had "gently" asked my husband if he wanted a divorce, he ALSO said "no". Wow!!! What an amazing coincidence? Right? Um...no. This is what everyone says when asked if they want a divorce, dear. When I finally did leave him, he realized he didn't want me back within a month. And yet, he did tell me when I "gently" asked him that he didn't want divorce.....you don't think its at all possible that your wife, just like you, just doesn't want to face reality, but that she would be happier with a new life if she really DID face the whole reality? Maybe? Oh right...not in your case...your case is hopeless and unlike any one else's. (sarcasm)
Your post: She wants to stay with me, but doesn't want sex. Well, so far I've granted her wish, at least in those respects.
(I just had to ad the bold in the above...so I could laugh out loud about it, literally)....bwah ha ha ha hhahah hahahaaaa....oh, that's a good one.
My response: This is just so classic justification and self-aggrandizing. I've done it too, so I would know. You've "granted her wish", huh? Really? She is such a lucky gal. You've made her entire life a sham and a lie, and this was her granted wish. Your own life is a sham too, and yet...this was your wife's wish for you, too. Your children will one day realize their young family life was a sham...and yet, this is your WIFE's fault, as you are only "granting her wish".
ssmguy....I hope you take the 2x4 as if it is made from foam rubber and not hardwood...but please please take it, nonetheless. Please.
