I wanted to add that when the sex in my marriage died out, it left an awful hole in my life. It made me feel half-dead. Joining with my lover made me feel alive again. That power of a woman's love to rejuvenate life was what I was missing.
Well, I can certainly agree with that in every respect!
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I finally realized that I would only find this with one true love. If this was not to be with my wife, then I would find another woman who would love me as much as I loved her.
You make it sound so simple. But for my priorities, it is not that simple. I have in-laws who are essentially "friends and family for life", kids, and shared experiences going all the way back to college. My wife knew my grandparents, and I hers. A new woman can't be a replacement to all of that. She would be an addition to a life that would necessarily include my ex-wife in many ways.
Likewise, I would expect a new woman near my age to have the same history and family network and obligations.
It's obvious to me now why the so-called European-style mistress works for some people, especially when both partners have deep ties to family and in-laws that they don't want to change. Yes, I certainly know it's more than just the sex. But at times, and thinking only on the surface, it seems utterly absurd to completely change virtually everything -- house, family, in-laws, financial obligations, etc. -- just so you can have sex for a few hours a week in a manner which other people would "approve of", as if it were any of their business in the first place.
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The only way I could have had this with another woman would have been to let go of my wife first.
Again, you make it sound so simple and easy. Let go? For that matter, I gently suggested to my wife that perhaps we should consider divorce. Is it what she wanted? Would she think it would be the best? If for no other reason, I said it to get her thinking about it. Her emphatic answer was no. She wants to stay with me, but doesn't want sex. Well, so far I've granted her wish, at least in those respects.
