Women with HD...is it true or just situational?

[ssmguy]

So, yes, the gradual lessening of that initial high is normal. That doesn't mean it disappears forever, unless the two of you were a bad match or had negative baggage to begin with.

This lessening effect isn't the same for everyone, apparently. Even in the third decade of my marriage, I got a thrill of going out to a restaurant with my wife. Likewise, I remember talking to one woman years ago who admitted that she had never felt that kind of thrill with anyone, not even on a first date. I didn't know what to tell her, other than that the right person just hadn't happened along for her yet. Clearly there are individual difference in capacity for these feelings and the length to which they can be sustained.

I am not a raving sex maniac. Not a 'nympho' (hate that word) but do have a higher libido than my H.

Though it doesn't make any sense, my first reaction is to think your husband is a lucky man to have you. But of course, that makes no more sense than saying my wife is lucky to have me, and neither of us is happy about that aspect of our relationship.

You guys have hormonal problems as you age,too, don't forget. That old "T" gets lower along with your "equipment".

Well, again, this apparently differs greatly among men too, as it does among women. I'll be 60 in a few years, and sex is still pretty much the same preoccupation and performance it was in my teenage years. A slight improvement has been that I no longer have as many unwanted embarrassing erections. So unless my sex drive drops precipitously in a few years, and if I live only to life expectancy of 74 years (not sure what it is for men in the USA these days), I might not even experience anything but high drive to the day I die.

At this point, it would be hugely reaffirming to be in a relationship where my partner was truly receptive to all of my sexual energy. In fact, I find it hard to even imagine how good that would feel. I'm so used to feeling that there is no appropriate place for my sexual feelings, and that I just have to juggle things and play a high-wire act to have any kind of sexual experiences, never mind having them as often as I'd like.

Without an intimate connection & strong habit of communicating, that's extremely difficult to resolve.

But sometimes even an intimate connection (nonsexual) and lots of communication may still not solve the problem. The discouraging fact in my relationship is that we have already had a huge amount of talk therapy around this issue, and it's more apparent now that there may simply be hormonal or undefined reasons for my wife's lack of interest. Most people, upon first hearing of our problem, suggest we do all the things we've already done as if "well, do it one more time then!" is going to solve the problem. I should examine myself. I'm the biggest impediment to myself. Look in the mirror. Etc. Yeah, great, I've been to lots of individual therapy about this ALREADY, and it has helped with the understanding. And as a result, my wife and I get along quite well. Which for many people solves the problem. Apparently, we are one of the few for which these steps has not yet solved the sexual mismatch. That's just reality.

All the issues like rejection, body image, feeling as if one can't turn one's spouse on, are there for an HD wife as they are for an HD husband.

Yeah, I went through all those feelings when our SSM years first started. I don't feel that way anymore, which has helped us get along better, and even have a sense of humor about our SSM.

The fear that you'll never have sex again heightens desire-those brain chemicals again.

In my case it's a fear of never having a normal sexual relationship that's frequent and integrated with my whole life.

Do read the book, even if it sounds frivolous. It isn't. It won't solve your problem, but will give you a ton of insight. *So THAT's what was wrong with Tiger Woods......**

Yeah, he's an interesting case all right. With a wife like his, I would have stayed home every night. Unless she had shut him off long ago. But that's the trouble with these publicized marital disasters -- it might not be the whole story of what is really going on in their marriage.

And I will take a look at that book. I read the Amazon comments.

Meanwhile, know that we 'higher desire than our H's' women are empathetic. Hang tough,

Yep, been doin' that for a long time, with a sense of humor. Thanks!