WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

I started a new job a week and a half ago and already feel a difference in my life. The new job is invigorating in a lot of ways. My old job was boring but very easy and flexible, which allowed me to really focus on myself and my family for the past year. I read books, worked out, went to counseling, visited church, did a lot around the house, was present at all of my kids activities, picked them up from school, etc. This has been good but there are some bad things as well. I feel like I have grown a lot, but also had a little too much time on my hands. I am now so busy with work I don't have time to sit around and think about my M much.

I left town for 3 days for work and met a lot of new people. I left my wedding ring at home - when I look at it it reminds me that she isn't wearing one, so I decided to take it off. I had no desire to communicate with the W while I was gone. She sent me a couple of text msgs however wondering how I was doing, etc. When I got home she asked me questions about the trip, the job, and other things. She actually seemed interested.

The marked difference for me on this trip was not missing my W, or being sad that I had no M to come home to. When I left the country for a week in September I was sad while I was gone thinking about how I used to look forward to coming home and seeing W and how sad I was that all that was gone,etc etc. This trip was different.

Monday we go to the mediator appointment she scheduled. We really can't afford to separate right now, but I am going with an open mind. My agenda is to start working on a final agreement, and once we have that we can backtrack to figure out what the best living arrangement is in the short term. She wants us to each get our own place and alternately leave. I want a final settlement in place before talking about any of short-term living arrangements.

Hammering out a final settlement now, while things are still civil, is a good idea I figure. In addition, I think she will receive a reality check and become more reasonable (or go the other direction when she realizes her world will get a lot tougher than she thought and she will get angry). She is looking to do a legal separation from what I can tell.

My feeling right now is that if she moves out we should file for D. She has told me for a year that she is only here for our kids, doesn't want to be married to me, and has no hope for us to have a happy future together. Why on earth wouldn't she want to D under those circumstances once she decides it is time to stop living together? At least before she was staying for the kids, but once she can't even do that anymore what is the point of not D (as opposed to a legal separation).

It should be interesting. On the other hand it may be a non-event because she may balk and not want to move forward with ANYTHING (just be in Limbo some more). If history is a guide that is likely to occur I figure - I will have to take action in the end possibly. I figure it all depends upon how bad she wants to live a full single life.