My Story...possible "grass is greener" scenario?

[MarkG]

I dunno mark. I think it might be a little bit of both. I mean I'm beginning to think more and more she used her complaints with me as an excuse rather than a reason to end the relationship. I'm starting to think she wanted to be with this guy because he somehow excited her in a way I hadnt.

Definitely, but remember that he made her feel a way she hasn't felt with you in a long time. Don't erase the past good that has been in your relationship. She needs to see that you are the person she fell in love with in the 1st place.

But instead of talking to me like an adult about her issues with me, showing me how much she was hurting, and giving me/us a chance to work on things, she chose to leave and destroy our family...and jumped right in with this OM.

I know in my case she tried, I ignored, then she did that as plan B. Is this possibly true in your case?

I am indeed very hurt and angry. But with all this happening with the OM so soon after she left me, if it wasnt already happening before, it still feels like infidelity, even if we arent together anymore. It's wrong to cheat on someone...for whatever reason.

Feels like and is are 2 different things. As much as I want my W back this is something she is going to have to learn to deal with some of the pain she's caused me. We had a 3-way sexual experience 1 night, W told me she wanted to watch, then got jealous in the middle and walked out. Since then she has been telling people I flat-out cheated & she came home to walk in on it. I asked why she had to lie & she said "cuz it felt like it". That doesn't make it so. It really hurts that she turned many of my friends against me by painting me as a lying cheater when I wasn't. This could also be tied into creating reasons to leave, see above paragraph in this reply.

As I said, that she could wash away the 7.5 years we had together for a much older guy who she'd known for only about 4 or so months...really shows how little she valued me.

Read up on borderline personality disorder, specifically the part about valuation/devaluation. This is true with my W, who is now engaged to her OM. They went from a MySpace introduction to engaged in 3 weeks, broke up, and are now back together again. I would have probably had her back during their breakup if I hadn't pursued the way I did.

So yeah...would I take her back if she came back only because the guy treated her badly? I dont know...to me that seems like being a fall back plan. It hurts to think I would be...second best.

That is a boundary I set for my W already - I won't be a "backup plan" as I called it to her. Don't pursue, you'll have better chances if you don't, and her asking you back would probably be the best thing for you to feel comfortable with rebuilding your relationship should it happen. It has been said on here before that you shouldn't tell your WAS how you feel about wanting to work out the relationship because they already know.