Not Me Ever...part 3

[TulsaTime]

Hey Serenity,

I just wanted to let you know that you made my day today.

I decided that I was going to reach out a bit in the alt and you were the first one I reached out to. Why? Because you you have taken the time to respond, warmly, each time I posted.

Then, you linked me up to the others here and soon I had 10 new friends in the alt. These are people I feel close to, safe somehow.

Though you are suffering, as you can see from the posts you are receiving, ALOT of people really care about you. That speaks volumes.

You're gonna be ok, I just know.

[TulsaTime]

S,

Just checking in with you....

[Serenity13]

(((Tulsa)))

Awww you are so sweet...

It is nice to see you in the alt as well and I am happy to help anyway I can.

I appreciate you checking in on me - I am actually doing well this week...

I have made some overdue changes as you probably know since I posted it in the alt.

I was finally able to trash the bedding I have been sleeping on (all the rest is in storage) and bought a brand spanking new one - New sheets, comforter, pillows etc...

I hated sleeping with the other ones because while H didn't bang the troll in our bed, he still did other things that made me feel it was tainted.

I only kept the mattress & box springs and tossed the rest and hopefully soon will be able to replace all of it...

There has been zero contact from H which actually makes it easier for me...

I was able to talk to my oldest S today and that made my day.

Finally darkened my hair today as well and if I do say so myself - It looks very good.

Tomorrow is Church and then the rest of the day is open so we will see where the wind takes me and the little one.

I am still breathing, still standing and still moving forward so I can't complain.

[TulsaTime]

Good to hear.

The wind is taking you to new and exciting locales, adventures and people!

Keep standing and moving forward.

[Gardener]

(((Serenity)))
Yours was the post I read this morning and it is so uplifting, that I'm gonna just stop here for now and come back to DB later on today.

Today will be my day for giving thanks for all the wonderful, exciting, positive changes in your outlook and your life.

H didn't bang the troll in our bed,

Well, Troll is either a new word for OW that you've never used before or else it's a euphemism that should have found its way to the late George Carlin's "Euphemisms List!!"

Hope the wind takes you where your heart and spirit need to be today.

[givingitmyall]

You sound good Serenity. And, that helps inspire me as well.

Keep it up.

[kara]

(((Serenity)))

You do sound good.

How is your elder son? I am glad that you were able to speak with him. How is the little one doing?

[Gardener]

(((Serenity))),
How are you, kiddo?
Where'd that wind take you today?

[Serenity13]

(((Friends))))

I love coming in and seeing that I have been a little drop in the help bucket for some

I spoke to my son today via text after Church and he was telling me he went to Church with his Dad and it was amazing...

I will admit that did upset me because I also took him to Chrch and he hated it - Then again H goes to a "feel good" Church and I go to an old fashioned one.

He told me the OW doesn't come around very often and she doesn't live there.

That didn't make me feel any better because the way I see it, if things aren't that damn rosy with her then why is he still over there and not here with his family that loves him?

I was reading a book that someone recommended to me and within the first 2 chapters I was in tears upon realizing that it was me in a nutshell. Ack - Stupid rollercoaster...

Took the little one to Church with me today and he was awesome seeing as there wasn't children's Church today however it pained me to see him hugging any male that spoke to him...

Once the service was over he couldn't get to the Pastor fast enough and then didn't want to leave his side.

That is heartbreaking to me because I don't know how to be a Father to him...

His Dad is incapable of seeing him more then 3 hours a month - 3 WHOLE FRIGGEN HOURS...

And he is just searching for any man who is kind to him.

I have enough trouble making myself better -

How can I help my little one?

How can I answer the questions he has when I don't know the answers myself?

Other then that, it was a good day -

We had lunch after Church and then we were carless so we hung out here.

I am still thankful as well as hopeful however I will admit that the more time goes forward the more I question what I am doing therefore I question my sanity.

Sidenote - Gardener...The OW will always be troll to me (you may know her as fat-troll since that is what I started out calling her). However that isn't very nice nor does God like that so for now I have narrowed it down to troll until I can fully forgive her and once that happens, she will no longer rent space within me.

((((Hugs)))))

[Gardener]

(((Friends))))

I love coming in and seeing that I have been a little drop in the help bucket for some Always

I spoke to my son today via text after Church and he was telling me he went to Church with his Dad and it was amazing...That sounds promising

I will admit that did upset me because I also took him to Chrch and he hated it - Then again H goes to a "feel good" Church and I go to an old fashioned one. Maybe son needs to "feel good" right about now. And who's to say what church or whose message will resonate with someone deep inside.

He told me the OW doesn't come around very often and she doesn't live there.
Well, that's good.
That didn't make me feel any better because the way I see it, if things aren't that damn rosy with her then why is he still over there and not here with his family that loves him?I would think you'd be glad OW isn't there much. He's there because something in him need a change. or a comparison. Be patient.I'm assuming you're talking about Son, here.
If you meant H, save it, there is no rhyme nor reason.

I was reading a book that someone recommended to me and within the first 2 chapters I was in tears upon realizing that it was me in a nutshell. Ack - Stupid rollercoaster...What's the book?

Took the little one to Church with me today and he was awesome seeing as there wasn't children's Church today however it pained me to see him hugging any male that spoke to him...Probably just getting his male affection needs met.

Once the service was over he couldn't get to the Pastor fast enough and then didn't want to leave his side.How nice. My youngest used to do that almost every week. And asked questions about the sermon, which thrilled the pastor no end!

That is heartbreaking to me because I don't know how to be a Father to him..Nor can you, nor could you, nor should you. Just continue to be the very best Mom you can be. That's what he needs most from you and is probably what The Lord wants you to do most right now..

His Dad is incapable of seeing him more then 3 hours a month - 3 WHOLE FRIGGEN HOURS...I know this one hurts perhaps more than all the rest, but you have to let it go for now. It Is.

And he is just searching for any man who is kind to him.Good for him. What an astute young man to be that attuned to his feelings and needs.

I have enough trouble making myself better -How can I help my little one?By making yourself better. And you've been doing a great job at this.

How can I answer the questions he has when I don't know the answers myself? Tell him you don't know the answers. Yet.
But together the two of you will probably figure some of them out.

Other then that, it was a good day -

We had lunch after Church and then we were carless so we hung out here.

I am still thankful as well as hopeful however I will admit that the more time goes forward the more I question what I am doing therefore I question my sanity decisions.

((((Hugs))))) To you.