that is exactly what I am doing...removing myself from the drama.
i have been doing a bunch of things for me...new haircut, new color some new work clothes, a few books to read,getting LONG showers, coffee on the way to work...silly things that used to make me happier...and i have realized they still do! they make me feel more alive!
if h starts spinning on the phone...i say h im hanging up, we can talk about this at another time, if he is here...i walk away saying the same...im not feeding on it anymore...
its not that I want him to magically want to come around, I want him to see that people and situations can change. people can find themselves after being caught up in everyday life and forgetting who you are.
do i want him to come home? of course I do! when he is able and ready...when he want to and feel comfortable in making the decision on whether he will or not.
with the holidays over...I have been really focusing on me and the kids...the nc for 2 weeks was hard...not saying a word about the situation when all i really wanted to do was talk about it , was hard! for me that is what the nc is right now because of the kids. several times I even let him stay with them and headed out to do nothing for a while...just to back away. i have lost a lot of bad habits...questioning , following around the house, calling and most of all expecting a whole lot from him right now.
I have read sooooo many posts on the boards that it is making much more sense now.
sorry also if this sound defensive! i was so proud of myself! honestly it is not a ploy...i need to be the person i used to be...for me! i need these things to simply be my nature again...they were all lost along the way somehow.im happy that the fighting has subsided, that we are able to relax and enjoy...time and more time! i know it is not a quick fix...we both still have ALOT of work to do!
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
