ok, that's more or less what I expected his state to be in.
your friend unfortunately is not a professional family therapist... so she's reading way too much into his mood.
The thing is, if your read Michele Davis her point on state of mind and leaving is quite clear
When things are really bad at home, there is eventually one person who has doubt take over... they get really sad, lost, confused, they sometimes begin an affair which makes things worse..
The thing is, this is how he feels right NOW... that does NOT mean that he can't feel GOOD about his marriage again with WORK...
The nasty cycle is that since he's IN this state, he isnt' motivated to DO the work.
The biggest problem when people get in his state is that they DO something they think will help - cheat, divorce, etc
Your friend talking with him IS helping... she should encourage him to do more of that... the more he talks to HER, the less he's going to talk to OW.
OK?
SO, again DON'T listen to how he feels or what he has to say right now. We have two goals :
1. Get OWH in the know asap. 2. Get your H feeling more positive about his M BEFORE he acts on his current state of mind. Keep him from DOING anything rash until we can DB some more and get him feeling a bit better.
It's ok for you and he to be having a hard time over all of this as long as you two work together and don't ACT destructively - by this I mean stop communicating, divorce, etc.
You guys CAN get through this.
Its good that he sees you hurt. What HE needs to be told by your friend is NOT to DO anything RASH.
Your friend is evaluating his current state of mind, not his potential state after some hard work by both of you.
Your friend needs to motivate him to stay married and do the work to get things better again.
He is WAY too confused right now and that OW is taking advantage of that.
Keep working on him... this is a good sign that he's confused... that mean's reality is setting in on him...
