When she said that you ruined any chance of R, don't listen...she was waiting for you to mess up so she could say that. It was also emotional considering your natural but not to smooth of a reaction to OM.
When my SO dropped off our daughter today, I apologized for coming over, telling her it was a misunderstanding compounded with poor judgement, and that I understood that she felt angry, creeped out, and even very embarassed.
She readily concurred with the being embarassed part and said that I ruined their evening. She said she had to hold OM back to keep from coming outside and I guess attacking me or something.
I said that we had been doing well up until last night and that I would hate to see all that washed away due to my poor judgement. She said that I could apologize and be as sorry as I wanted to but after what I did last night there was no way for her to just forget it and go back to us hanging out sometimes or anything.
She said that she was being civil and was willing to try but that what I did last night ruined all that...and she restated that we're done, and from now on she will only discuss things medically related to our daughter.
She essentially flipped my boundary around on me.
I have to wonder if newmama is right though...was she waiting on me to screw up so she could tell me we had a chance but I blew it? Was that her way of relieving her guilt and absolving her of her feeling of responsibility to try and work things out?
Since she stated it again today though...maybe it wasnt just out of high emotions...I mean getting some sleep didnt seem to do anything for making her not so angry.
From everything I've heard and read, I take it it would do me no good to point out to her that if she hadnt turned off her cell phone last night I wouldnt have came over? That would be reasoning and along the lines of begging and pleading.
The only thing I can do is leave her alone in every way and work on me.
I just cant stop feeling so guilty for what I did...not only because it was inappropriate...but also because I not only messed things up for myself, but for my daughter as well.
I also cant stop thinking how disgusting it is and how much of a turn off it will be for my SO and the OM to be intimate. Even if we got another chance together, I dont know that I could be comfortable being intimate with her knowing she had been with him. Not that I will likely get the chance.
