OK...so I lurk here lately and don't post hardly at all anymore. But I'm a few months ahead of ya bro.
W and I separated Sep 2008; multiple A's before and after she moved out. I wanted out at first and then decided that I wanted to DB to save me and my M. Fast forward to March 2009; W decides she might want back. DB'ing seems to be working. We had a date and some good convos..then, blammo...She's preggers. Certainly not mine, we hadn't had sex since a month before the separation; plus I'm neutered ;-)
She figures that I want a D; so I said "yes". Knew I didn't want this in my life. So we prepared a settlement and court wouldn't process it because she was pregnant; and in my state, the law considers it my kid. So we have to wait until the kid is born.
Meanwhile, A was on the rocks and this sent OM off. Claimed it wasn't his; didn't give any support through the pregnancy. So during the whole pregnancy, W starts pursuing me hard. Wants me to accept the kid as mine and we'll write OM off. I told her I was suspicious of her motivations for wanting to come back. But I did a lot of research and found that most of these marriages do not make it. I decided that I wouldn't do it; it wasn't fair to the kid to pretend to be her father. Later in life, she'd hate us for it. W was incessant; I was just waiting for the birth.
Birth occurs in early Dec. W still says that she doesn't want a D. Will wait forever; do whatever it takes. I watch and decide to call her bluff. meanwhile, OM has stepped up and really has done great with his daughter. I WILL NOT break that up; but now W is in a quandry. She wants us and our family; but also can't give up on the thought of providing her newborn with a chance at a "normal" family with OM and W. But OM will not give her any time of day except in the course of business as it concerns their kid. He's said if we divorce; he might pursue. But he said that she has to decide if she wants her marriage or not. This makes me think that he wasn't aware that she was married when they first got together.
So, curveball, take all that in. I believe that my W will decide that she wants out and that's OK with me. She hasn't changed since she left out and won't change anytime soon, if ever. The most I can say is that she actually told all of what she's feeling and she would've outright lied 1.5 years ago. So I thanked her for her candor. It's a start, if we make it.
Divorce doesn't make these sitches much better; because the dynamics never go away. We just become non-responsible legally for WAW. I'm in no hurry to D; but not scared of it either.
Good luck...it's a tough choice. Does the OM know that she's pregnant?
OH...consult a lawyer on your sitch; even if you don't divorce. This adds more complexity to sitch and you need to know your rights and responsibilities.
