feel like giving up - talk to me!

[luvless]

little update - I finally got my internet back up!

Fri H left office at 3:30 - hasn't done that in a while. My best friend was leaving and we were going to dinner so that's why but at least he left on time.

Me and friend were gonna go have drinks and appetizers so I decided to invite H along. I said, "you can go with us but if you're gonna be on that blackberry the whole time you should just stay." He said, "fair enough."

We had a good time at the bar and then at dinner. We met an old friend there and the four of us had wine and indian food. At the table our guy friend goes hey H do you like spicy food? He says, "hey I've been married to a mexican for 20 yrs what do you think?" I'm thinking in my head yeah..more like 19 and don't know about 20! (i know...my sarcasm)

It was a decent night...well we did have buffers around. He asked if I wanted to go to a movie right now - I dunno we'll see.

I had a really bad last couple of days. You know...that awful heartache feeling? yeah...well I'm really trying to keep from being bitter.

Thanks for listening guys.

Luv

[Bridgestone]

I had a really bad last couple of days. You know...that awful heartache feeling? yeah...well I'm really trying to keep from being bitter.

Thanks for listening guys.

Luv

Forgiveness helps with the bitterness feelings... it's a gift you give yourself. It opens the door & your heart to rebuild trust.. but they still have to do what is necessary to rebuild it.

If they don't, not your problem.. you have your answer as to what work they are willing to do in order to work on the R.

Forgiveness is giving up hope for a better past, so you can rebuild the trust that is necessary for a better future.

Peace
Bridge

[Gnosis]

I like what Bridge posted to you.

Him asking you to go to a movie together is him trying to reconnect. I know... I know... it's the same story every weekend. To be honest, I don't have a clue on what to say.

Just letting you know that I'm still around.

[luvless]

Thanks G - really...I know...I'm as confused as you are.

I really don't think it is an issue of "reconnecting" at all!

We took our boat to get a tune up - it was 30 mins both ways not a damn thing said both ways. He talked about getting a bigger boat (looked at new ones) whatever.

Frustrated Luv!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

((luv))

again, everything your H is doing is nothing new to me. It is what they ALL do. But, YOU get to make the choice of making it better, or making it worse.


I know that all the DB steps are the opposite of what you want to do, but those of us who have gone thru it, know that they work, and is the best chance to save your M. I know this is all confusing, but this is the leap of faith you must take.

It's not about letting him walk all over you. It's about you becoming your greatest self, and setting up healthy boundaries, focus on everything positive and nothing negative, and distantly loving your spouse so that you can lead them to the light and have the biggest chance of saving your M.

Or, you can be like them, give them what they are giving you, treat them the same way, be inconsistent, focus on what they do to you or aren't doing to you and focus on your bitterness and then you will definitely not lead them to the light, but you'll be on a path of deterioration.

[luvless]

I have read and reread your stuff ST - I'm hearing you. I know sometimes I don't listen but I am learning.

I had a terrible night - last night got ugly H said in front of the kids at the table, "f*ck all of you guys." He had said something negative to me and my S19 said, "oh no you didn't dad" basically calling him on his behavior. H did not like that so he lashed out.

He said all kinds of nasty negative stuff to me last night including, "what if i was pretending this whole time" (that he loved me) he was texting a couple friends. I read them this morning - H said to a coworker guy, "I'm on the verge of leaving but don't have nowhere to go."

He has been sarcastic and disgusting. This morning he was a little more cordial but still being a jerk. I said, "give me a little time I wanna talk to you." He didn't want to talk said, "I have nothing to say." I said, "show me some respect and listen to me for a minute. He did.

I said, "look...I'm sorry you are unhappy but if this is over I want you to know I'm not leaving with the attitude or feeling that my marriage was miserable." I was content and ok and I did love you (he stated last night he didn't feel loved) I then said, "I'm willing to do what it takes to save our marriage but I need to know...are you?" He says, "I can't answer that question right now." I take that as a no! how else do I take it?

He says, "I want you to know I'll never hurt you." I replied, "what do you mean? you've hurt me more than ever these last three months." He grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me. I just don't get it.

Anyway...I think I'm heading towards divorce faster than I thought. I am not confused anymore. I know what is headed my way. I want to close the door to my heart.

ST- I think about what you've been through all the time and how I can apply that to my situation. I just don't know if my H loves me anymore - that is the difference between yours and my situation. Your H still loved you.

......a very hurt Luv

[patpat]

(((luv)))

I have been absent... away... sorry for the distance.

Been reading up on your thread and I am sooooo sorry that you are where you are at today. I will pray for you and your family.

ST is right though. It is tough but tough love is where it is at now. I, too, did not completely understand and fought it... you know the DB'ing thing. Just did not seem to be right in my book even though it was what I knew I had to do. I did not want to push W further into the unknown as well as myself.

I did evenually start doing the things I was told here... I practiced them and lived them. I did as ST is telling you, to step out on faith and do what they themselves have done. Faith because results may vary..... But, at this point from what I have read, what have you got to loose.

That is where I was at. What have I got to loose.

My result.... W is pursuing. I am still running.

I do not want to steal your thread so I will save my junk for another time...

You are right about one thing though... you do not (if it comes to it) have to leave your M believing it was miserable.
Coach says happiness is an inside job and if H does not feel happy, it is his own damm fault.

Know that you are beautiful... you have value... and worth. You are a wonderful amazing woman and a great mother. And least I say a wonderful heart and good W. Your H is an ass for not noticing or acknowledging the effort you are and have aready put in to try to save the M.

Often times, I've wondered why this site has not turned into a potential dating or match making site.

This place has the best souls I have had the previledge to encounter or read about right here. We are the folks that deserve the kinda of people that are here in our lives. We could make each other happy if in a different place or time...

But you Luv are in my book, the difinition of the word. I love your heart. Keep fighting for your position. It is one God Himself has given to you. I pray for you daily and will tonight before I rest.

I can only say that I too am uncertain of my future.... but whoever it holds for me.... I pray she has your HEART!

I love you Luv... May God forever pour His blessings upon you

[luvless]

Pat - your posts always make me cry....

Thank you for the encouragement...and prayers.

They are appreciated more than you'll ever know.

Luv

[Gardener]

luv, I've been lurking exclusively and I apologize for not even chiming in with encouragement when I don't have advice.

last night got ugly H said in front of the kids at the table, "f*ck all of you guys."

What a shame, For all of you.

He had said something negative to me and my S19 said, "oh no you didn't dad" basically calling him on his behavior. H did not like that so he lashed out.

Sounds like you're raising yourself a real man, there!

I said, "look...I'm sorry you are unhappy but if this is over I want you to know I'm not leaving with the attitude or feeling that my marriage was miserable." I was content and ok and I did love you (he stated last night he didn't feel loved) I then said, "I'm willing to do what it takes to save our marriage but I need to know...are you?"

Good for you!

He says, "I can't answer that question right now." I take that as a no! how else do I take it?

I would've said, "Then I want to know right now when I can expect an answer. Give me a date, a deadline, just live up to it and be man enough to answer that question."

Anyway...I think I'm heading towards divorce faster than I thought. I am not confused anymore. I know what is headed my way. I want to close the door to my heart.

Me, too. I hear you. I closed my door last month after 14 months of trying harder than anything I've ever tried in my life. It sucks. And it's liberating.

(((Hugs))) for

.....a very hurt Luv

Oh, and luv & patpat:

Often times, I've wondered why this site has not turned into a potential dating or match making site.

I've been saying this for months. Who is on this site? Hundreds of decent, loving, selfless men and women who believe in vows, the sanctity of marriage and true intimacy between two mature, cherishing life partners and who fight daily and relentlessly against all kinds of odds to save their own marriages

We should be dating each other! .

[patpat]

I've been saying this for months. Who is on this site? Hundreds of decent, loving, selfless men and women who believe in vows, the sanctity of marriage and true intimacy between two mature, cherishing life partners and who fight daily and relentlessly against all kinds of odds to save their own marriages

We should be dating each other!

I sooooo agree...! I got dubs on luvless! (back off boys)