Trying to move on

[ClingingToHope]

I am not sure about Illinois, but in Indiana, even with just visitation, the non-custodial parent gets half the summers with the children and half the vacations.

I wouldn't mind continuing what we did last summer. I had them the three weeks I had vacation. She took two weeks off with them. The rest of the time was the normal schedule. I sent her an email asking for an additional day the weekends I don't have them and she hasn't responded.

I end up having to drop them off and pick them up from lots of camps so again I'll see them a ton.

What happened last night really bothered me. I'm feeling lots of anger right now. I hate having to move again, but after looking at this house I'm thinking I shouldn't rush things. If I check the listings every day I'll eventually find exactly what I want.

[awest1217]

Be patient. You don't want to buy a money pit or rent a money pit. Just talk to the girls about the noise level so no one gets mad. In a few months it will be warm again and you can just take them outside instead so that will help.

Don't rush anything because when you decide based on emotions it won't be good. Know that you will want to move into a house and just look until you find one that says, "this is it".

[ClingingToHope]

That's what I was thinking. D7 will get mad. She says I "never" listen to her.

[awest1217]

That is going to happen more and more as you get to the teenage years with girls...Enjoy.

[ClingingToHope]

Weekend without the girls. Waiting to see what materializes tonight. I have a couple of friends heading out that I could meet up with later and I was invited to Game Night by my 43-year-old business owner lady friend.

I messaged her on FB to see how long that will last since I'll be working until about 9 p.m.

Maybe I can get it all in. Otherwise I don't expect to see or hear from W this whole weekend.

Wednesday was another step on the road to detachment. When D10 told me she called me a j*ck*ss after a phone call that really gave me some insight into how this is going to go moving forward.

She always blamed me for her unhappiness when we were together even as I tried to do everything I could to relieve her stress. Now that I'm not around and told she needed to ask for my help, I will not volunteer, well now I'm still going to be the source of her unhappiness because I'm not helping.

I never could win.

[ClingingToHope]

Had to go buy mini blinds for the apartment and ... I have no idea how to install them. Now I know why I dragged my feet in getting them in the first place.

When I met W she was the manager of a miniblind store. She was making tons of money on the side installing the blinds. Once we started going out, to help her, I'd go with her on installations when I had nights off.

We went to a couple hundred houses over a two-year stretch. It was a lot of long nights, but it was fun in a way and we spent a lot of time together. She'd install the blinds, I'd hand her the tools and parts and clean up. Every once in a while she needed my long arms. After, we'd go get something to eat.

I remember one time she fell and I caught her before she smashed through a table.

So now I'm staring at these damn blinds and thinking about that. I even texted W to ask if she wanted to install them. I'm not holding my breath, she hasn't called me or responded to any emails since or Wednesday argument.

[mishka422]

That was some very bad pursuing behavior buddy. She's not going to help with anything. She expected you to help her without being asked and now she's going to hold a grudge....count on it. Sad to say, but it really takes a grown up to own up to her own part in all of this. She's not there yet.

[ClingingToHope]

Actually, Mishka, she texted back saying she could put them in tomorrow night. I got the two downstairs one done by myself though.

I'm going to leave the ones in the girls room for her to do tomorrow.

I did not see that as pursuing because I think I'm past thinking there's a future as an M couple. For the past nine months, any little good interaction I would think "gee, there's hope."

I know there's no hope. I texted her because she used to install miniblinds and I needed help (although it turned out I didn't).

If I in the future have problems with my insurance, I'll ask W (who will be an X by then) what I should do. If I didn't, that'd be rude.

Maybe I am too bottom-line driven. Right now, I'm concentrating on finding a house to rent for the next two years and getting my finances under control so when the D is final I can get myself out of credit card debt.

Once the debt is gone, I can thrive.

[awest1217]

Just watch your reasoning for texting. Make sure you really can't do it by yourself and you aren't asking for help to get one last chance. I am saying this because a lot of times when I get stuck, I just text or call H, when if I just waited a few more hours, I could figure it out on my own and not risk him saying no, not responding, or coming over just to get my hopes up. I am glad you figured them out and that she did agree to help because it models for her how she should ask for your help as well, but just watch your motives so you don't get hurt by unrealized motives.

[ClingingToHope]

I think I will always be hoping for another chance. But I didn't text her hoping she'd come over to help and just swoon. I mean, even I'm not that starry eyed.

In fact, I really don't like asking her to help with anything apartment related because it hurts when she says yes. She seems too eager to help me out when it comes to developing a separate life.

D10 said something interesting. W made her do situps last night while watching TV. She said W has been working out -- finally.

It'll hurt if she gets back in shape for someone else. For three years, as she went from a size four to a size 16, I'd try to ask if she wanted to go to the Y with me or running or biking.

She took it as a slam at her weight and proof I wasn't satisfied with her. But she told me early in the M that if she started to gain weight and look like her mother I'd need to push her.

So again, I couldn't win, but at least she's finally realizing fad diets don't work. You have to excercise. She knows that. She got down to a size 2 after D10 by running with me every day. She got down to a 4 after D7 by doing these Power 90 tapes every week.