Not many attnys have office hours on Sat. If this all happened last night I doubt she spoke with her attny this morning.
If she did speak to her attny this morning then she has a very stupid attny. Any decent attny would tell her NOT to engage you further and certainly not disclose any legal strategy to you.
General info about harassment:
*Under the United States Code Title 18 Subsection 1514(c)1. Harassment is defined as "a course of conduct directed at a specific person that causes substantial emotional distress in such a person and serves no legitimate purpose".
*The Modern Penal Code section 250.4(MPC) defines harassment as a petty misdemeanor if with purpose is to harass another, he: 1) makes a phone call without a legitimate purpose; or 2) insults, taunts or challenges another in a manner likely to provoke violent or disorderly response; or 3) calls at inconvenient hours or in offensive language; or 4) subjects another to offensive touching; or 5) engages in any other course of alarming conduct serving no legitimate purpose of the actor.
*harassment (either harris-meant or huh-rass-meant) n. the act of systematic and/or continued unwanted and annoying actions of one party or a group, including threats and demands. The purposes may vary, including racial prejudice, personal malice, an attempt to force someone to quit a job or grant sexual favors, apply illegal pressure to collect a bill, or merely gain sadistic pleasure from making someone fearful or anxious. Such activities may be the basis for a lawsuit if due to discrimination based on race or sex, a violation on the statutory limitations on collection agencies, involve revenge by an ex-spouse, or be shown to be a form of blackmail ("I'll stop bothering you, if you'll go to bed with me"). The victim may file a petition for a "stay away" (restraining) order, intended to prevent contact by the offensive party. A systematic pattern of harassment by an employee against another worker may subject the employer to a lawsuit for failure to protect the worker.
I'm no lawyer, but I would think that the "legitimate purpose" would be so that the woman isn't the only one of the four of you who DOESN'T know, and so that she can protect herself emotionally, legally, financially and medically.
She has a right to know. Your wife is bluffing, DDogs.
There are many sites online where you can find phone numbers for a reasonable price. If you know their city, rough ages, etc., you should be able to find the number pretty easily.
Call today. No waiting. Let the truth cleanse all.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
There are many sites online where you can find phone numbers for a reasonable price. If you know their city, rough ages, etc., you should be able to find the number pretty easily.
Call today. No waiting. Let the truth cleanse all.
SD
I've located his address but no phone number available... Don't know if I'd be comfortable going in person...
W came home this am an when I arrived back in, she was on the back patio and shaking, trembling that she could barely light her cigarette.. I asked her if she contacted the OM or if the OM's W was contacted.. That's when she told me her lawyer spiel....
She spoke with her Mom on the phone and I was able to overhear her playing the "poor me, I'm so scared, victim" speech,,, she was crying and playing the drama queen to the T. She even told her mom,, "if I ever disappear, and a note is left saying I left town, don't believe it,, I'm probably dead and in one of the swamps around here.."
She is playing the perfect scared bunny,, casual observers will buy it hook line and sinker. Any trained psych or detective would see thru it in a blink.. I cannot believe the sh!t that is spewing out of her mouth..
I also overheard saying to her mom,(about the OM) "I'm not in an affair, he's just a friend that I confide in, Thats it!"
good times.
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
Be careful, the WAS in an affair is not in their right mind. Do everything you can to not be alone with her, in other words always have a witness. Do not lose your cool, follow the list of 180's. Do not provoke, validate.
You have the control now. You will have to answer if you can forgive and are willing to work on the marriage.
Tonight I get back from shopping with my D11, and I go into my room and use the computer... about 3 hrs later dinner is ready so I come out and see W, S, D11 and 2 of my sons friends 16.
we sit down to eat and after idle chat my one S friend, a very nice polite kid, out of nowwhere he begins talking about divorce in his family and how he is affected and what has happened to him. We listen a bit and I tell him, I understand, we are going thru that now as well (his friends all know about the D). I tell him he is not alone and that it's not that unusual these days. W looks at me and stares.. His friend goes on and tells more about how his dad was abusive to his mom, and the drinking and physical fights.. I tell him I'm sorry to hear about that, and that we didnt get physical, just other people are influencing ours...
With that, W gets up storms out of the house and calls 911. I hear her tell that I am arguing and verbally fighting with her ,, I am dragging the kids into our divorce arguments and that I am "using the kids".. So the cops are called and are mandated to come again..
I immediately go back in the house and join the kids at the table and continue and wait for the police to show. They arrive and speak with W outside and then knock and ask me to come out and talk..I go and relate that we were calmly having a discussion and the W didn't like to hear what we were discussing so she called the police. I explain that I believe her lawyer is prompting her to call at every thing to make a case against me. They ask me what happened and I tell them..
They ask why they were here also last night. I explain that I found my wife was having an affair, I caught and outed her, she didnt like that, got mad and called the police.. He asks how I know and I tell him she admitted to me she was having an affair and the police man then tells me the W denies ever saying that!!!!
So, I pull out me recording device and ask them if the would like to listen and they say ok...I play parts for them and they say ok thats enough...
The in charge police comes out and tells me he talked with the kids and confirmed that there was no yelling, arguing, physical fighting,, just a conversation.. he even says this is not a domestic dispute, it is an argument..BUT because the police were specifically called to the home, W or I have to leave for the night..
I tell them, that W is the one overreacting calling 911 because she didnt like what she was hearing and was the one having the problem so she can leave and I'll stay with the kids..
W says she'll leave and take the girls with her, I stay with the boys..
So we each give written statements, and W and police leave...
I call my son downstairs and talk with him reassuring him Im sorry but i cannot control what his mom does. I tell him I love him and that mom and dad are both under pressures of D and this sometimes happens.. I ask if there is anything I can do to make it easier for him at home and he only asks that even if his friends talk about D, That he feels uncomfortable when I talk about it,,, I tell him i understand and I will avoid doing that..
We talk some more and then he returns to his friends...
W is obviously VERY P!ssed I found out about her affair....
WTF!
Last edited by DDogs; 01/31/1002:23 AM.
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
I tell him I'm sorry to hear about that, and that we didnt get physical, just other people are influencing ours...
Ddogs,
Your wife is going "batchitcrazy," as SmileyPerson would say, and you know we're all on your side here, including me. But that comment was just uncalled for.
Leave the kids -- and for GOD'S sakes, the kids' friends! -- out of it!!!
I tell him I'm sorry to hear about that, and that we didnt get physical, just other people are influencing ours...
Ddogs,
Your wife is going "batchitcrazy," as SmileyPerson would say, and you know we're all on your side here, including me. But that comment was just uncalled for.
Leave the kids -- and for GOD'S sakes, the kids' friends! -- out of it!!!
I agree. I'm sorry, I don't know your sitch well enough to know if you're in IC, but I would strongly recommend it. You need a safe place to vent and express your feelings. I think it would also help to you have a C support you in putting your children first in this situation. You and your W have made mistakes, and your children are the innocent parties here. You are their father and you can play a huge role in making mitigating the pain that they are going through. They are watching and learning from everything that you do and say. Every single word that you utter about D and separation to your children should be very carefully chosen.
Your W is by far a worse offender in putting your kids in the middle, but you can only control you right now. Being the best father that you can be right now is a good place to focus...there's no down side to it.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I would suggest looking up a poster named "mulesqb"s posts. If ever there was a roadmap for "strength and honor" in dealing with your children, in the face of incredible challenges from a blatantly disrespectful and adulterous wife, Mules' is it.
He's a real blue-chipper, and I think you could benefit from reading his stuff. What you are dealing with right now is COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE, but at the same time your kids still need you to be at your moral best.
