Oh and btw he texted me at 5:30 last night "I have dinner"--it was his night. I didn't reply.
Then he calls at 5:50, "Did you pick up the kids from daycare?"
Me, "Nope".
So, he did. Good so far, right?
Well I changed into work out clothes and walked down the stairs to leave and in walks Dan and the kids.
He acts all surprised I am leaving, "I told you I had dinner, don't you want me to grill you a burger?"
I was so taken aback I just left and went to workout.
Came back and there they were all on the floor watching a movie together for Friday Movie Night...didn't know how to say something in front of the kids so I didn't.
Went and took a shower and by the time I came out movie was off, kids were half asleep on the floor. He grabbed his coat and headed out. I should have called him then and set him straight but I didn't....
So anyway that brings us to today and I just cannot take it anymore that he is sitting in MY house while I get the kids ready. Guess what I was probably as mad at myself for letting him...
Anyway kids head out to car and I said something to him and he came back in and I just unloaded on him.
Told him he was driving me crazy, coming in and not helping then when I suggeted things he needed (chapstick, face lotion as Sydney is dried out) he kept saying, "I got it" but he didn't!
I told him furthermore it pissed me off that he just came over and used my house as he pleased, not because he wanted anything to do with me but because it was convenient for him! My words were something like, "I don't have anywhere to take the kids, I'll just go use Bobbi's house".
Anyway he looked surprised and then pissed and said, "Fine, I won't bring them over here anymore" and I said, "That would be great"...
Then he left and I bawled my eyes out...
wtf
Then not following the 48 hour rule I texted him:
"I don't think you understand how hard this is for me. To have you around all the time after hearing you say you did not desire any kind of relationship with me. If I am not friend/wife/lover to you then I don't think I can be anything to you. This whole year of you being around but not around had been too much. So I need you not to be around"
Actually, I don't think what you said was so bad. I see it as an attempt to set the boundary, that your house is not his house. I think you need to be more direct about it, though. He isn't going to get it until you spell it out in black and white, and he is just going to keep driving you crazy!
BobbiJo, I don't think you did anything wrong. Sweetie it is okay to protect yourself, and not allow Dan to walk all over you. Remember, this is what he wanted. Right now he has the best of both worlds, being able to come and go as he pleases. He still has the loving wife, the inviting home. Let him lose that stuff. In all honesty, it may make him think twice about what he is giving up.
And you need the peace of mind. Going through this mess is the hardest thing a LBS can do, but to have it constantly thrown in your face...I think that is the worst.
So you go girl! Way to set the boundary...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Smack! Wham! Bam! That is the sound of a 2x4 up side your head. The text was just a repetition of what you have said countless times before. Stop it!
Does he have a key to your house? If so, have him give it to you. That sends a much more firm message that it is not his house to come and go. Stand your ground and dont let him use your house again.
I dont know what to tell you about how to change dialog with your mother. You do know she is concerned? I totally understand how it rubs you the wrong way - been there done that. Generation gap. It will happen 20 years from now with Sydney and yourself.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
No smacks from me BBJ. It does sound like Dan has a key to your house though.....take it now. I'll tell you, this is how I got the key and garage door opener from Gabe.
"You have decided that this is not your home any longer, you have no need of keys or access to my home. I need them back immediately." Hold your hand out so he can put the key directly in it from the keyring. If he has a garage door opener go out to the car with him and take it from him. Don't let him tell you he'll bring them by later, he'll take care of it....you know why? He'll never do it, just like he's never taken care of the D papers.
Oh yeah....firemen & cops.....stay FAR CLEAR!!! You know I know and I'm sensing flowmom must have a firefighter WAH. Those macho, hero types have serious entitlement issues.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
