Wow! So much emotion in so little time! I think you r MC is great! She's cutting straight to the point. I'm finding it fascinating how your situation is following the PM model! I need to read that book again. Or actually, finish really reading it the first time.
I don't know how your H is going to react to the crucible, but I think you are doing the right thing to put him there. And it sounds like the MC is right there with you. We are with you, Maria!
Yes Al, he is stubborn. I think he is afraid of what he will discover. But, he is panicking. Me too. K
While he is stubborn, affraid and panicking. These are things he must do as a part of his 'discovery'. The more he does it solely on his own the greater the experience and discovery will be.
I know you know how to live your life for you and to experience some joys while you are doing it. Do just that for now.
Be in the loving arms of our great and mighty Lord while your H undergoes the growth that he must.
If you will let the Lord love you and handle your struggles for you (as I MUST keep reminding myself!!!) He will be your 'living water' that you should not thirst!
Hey K, sorry I missed you, I too am having a funny weekend!
So you really reckon he was talking to his Mum under your mask? Hmm, well I always thught it incredible (alarming? Textbook!?) that he told your Best Woman in August that he was only NOW getting over the death of his Mum, 6 years later.
I thikn that this weekend was a crisis point,but also a turning point. I liked that you comforted and hugged him when he cried. I would advise continuing being loving and comforting, consistent with him and not his enemy, as you put it (you arent really, he has transferred some feelings to you that he couldnt process about/with his Mum perhaps hey?)...but then you know what a pushover I am !! I think someone said here that his actions are consistent with a man in MLC, as I feel he does fit the model and that he is on the downward leg of his journey hey? But not out the other side yet.
Kerry said have patience! Funny, but true. I mean.. you've come THIS far, surely you cant turn round and give up now??? Look how far you have come, he was always playing catch up but whereas before he hadnt even saddled his horse up, I feel he is at least on the trail behind you now.
xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Ohh you are all a great group of people!! Thank you.
I am guessing it was his mom. The C told him he acts out of fear not selfishness. She said "stop worrying youare a bad person, you are just human-the more indifferent you seem about someone, the more you love them, because you are putting walls between you worried you will lose them (death)-you are missing out on what life offers, a great love and relationship"...
I am going to tell him, if he wants to tackle this, he will find me by his side. If he chooses not to, I will move on. He is free to do as he will. As I told him last night during C, he cant run forever. He will have to do it. It's best to do while he still has a choice. K
PM is Passionate Marriage by D. Schnarch. I get a preview of what's happens next. I dealt with my crucible when he left me. He deals with it now. What he does is the whole point.
That's quite the session. I think it helped open your eyes to what is wrong with him too.
So the question remains the same ..months later... Is he going to do the work?
I feel for you ..... like me you are so close and yet so far from having this resolved...it seems like it's just in reach but yet the further you stretch .... the further it seems to be just out of your grasp.
No real words of wisdom from me, but I am thinking of you daily.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
What about following up on her advice for individual counseling for your anger and rescuing? It's great to have a paddle while you're going down the river.
