The Good Soil Of Love

[Concerned_Listener]

Doc, Aud, Matilda, Jak, and DB Friends,
My W has been praising me for my effort on the trip. She was impressed that I was willing to be flexible and venture away from the city to experience the local culture, take a spontaneous trip to the opposite side of the island to find better beach weather, and to struggle speaking Spanish with the locals. We're planning on returning this summer, will extend the trip to 10 days, and will downgrade the hotels to guest rooms to more fully immerse ourselves in the local culture.

Our dance relationship displays the struggle of finding the balance between partnership and independence. I would like more of a dance partnership with my W in terms of working together on combinations and technique. On the other hand, I get better by dancing with other ladies. I also am forced to ask new ladies to dance when my W isn't there. Dancing too much with my W makes the evening stale. I like that her teacher calls his students when they begin to stray. I want her to stay connected to our studio. I'd like to see her branch out into more ballroom this year to diversify her skills, network, and venues. She and I are attending classes taught by a 4X national Latin champion tonight.

I make a point of sleeping in her bed most nights. Sometimes I fall asleep reading in the guest room.

She spends a lot of time with her Puerto Rican friend. I think she likes the stimulation of having people around her, and will tolerate the negativity in their relationship for his company. She also has developed a relationship with a woman from the dance community, who finds my W amusing and fun to be with.

My W is considering going to church with me, but I doubt if a quiet service is a good fit for her. I will keep her informed of volunteer or social opportunities that we can do together, that are a minor commitment of a few hours.

Her friend is going thru the grieving process of a D. He will sometimes stay in bed the entire day. He is unemployed. He will break into crying spells in public with my W. I will treat him with kindness rather than suspicion.

My strategy is to maintain a presence, and offer my W options and alternatives in terms of how to spend her time. I will also evaluate and make choices in terms of when to join my W for an activity and when to decline.

CL