I guess what is puzzling to me is you seem to want validation and respect for your stance that adultery is a deal breaker. I feel you got that when you posted here a while ago. There is no universal "deal breaker". Each individual has different deal breakers in a marriage or any kind of relationship for that matter.

There are many, many factors to consider when adultery happens and those factors fall on BOTH the WAS and the LBS. I think most of us can agree that people in healthy marriages don't wake up one day and think "gee, I don't have any plans today so I think I will cheat on my spouse". Most of the time there is a very slow, very damaging progression that both spouses are involved in that eventually leads one spouse to the choice of an affair. And yes, adultery is a choice.

If you would have asked me five years ago if adultery was a deal breaker for me I would have vehemently said yes. There simply is no excuse for one person to step outside the bounds of marriage. It is disgusting.

I think many LBS are able to alter their line of thinking (adultery possibly NOT being a deal breaker) as they really learn when led up to the affair.

Fundamental issues in a marriage can be addressed and worked on. Adultery is not a fundamental marriage issue, it is a terrible choice the WAS makes and IMO there is a big difference between the two issues. If you don't agree that is fine. It certainly does not make your stance more "right" or my stance more "wrong".

Honestly, ALL cheaters lie and once they are caught the reverse psychology begins on their part. It is beyond arrogant for the cheating spouse to think the LBS will profess their undying love for them WHILE they continue to cheat and then turn around and say "well, if the LBS would have acted more sad maybe I would have not filed for divorce so fast". Again, IMO that is simply a cheating person putting the onus on another so they don't have to examine their own actions.

Sometimes things can be rebuilt and sometimes they can't. We all have the right to tolerate, explore and see where our comfort level starts and stops. IMO 2 months is moving way too fast to make such a major life decision. If it was right for you though my opinion really doesn't matter. If you are still hurt and angry with your spouse then you are far from indifferent and that alone would make *me* take pause. If you feel okay about things, or as okay as one can feel during a divorce, then you *have* divorce busted as the main goal is to become the healthiest individual you can.