The confusion is usually a sign that this may have more to do with them and their issues. That doesn't mean we get a free pass here. We all have work to do.
A regular walk away isn't confused, they generally don't get very emotional without good reason, they're just done...finished, not much waivering. They want out and it's very clear.
lost, Trapt gave you a very good description of the confusion and the walkaways. Confusion runs very high, right along with the depression, during a crisis. That's why it is very important to keep your expectations at zero. These folks are running on emotionally craziness and are not thinking rationally. You cannot expect someone who is emotionally all over the place not to be confused. They do not know which end is up. They are hurting very badly and they do not exhibit scars, cuts or bruises on the outside for us to see, but they are on the inside, they are in their heart, soul and brain. These wounds have to heal before they can become better and more mature people.
Step off his drama train, get your feet back on the platform and detach more. The less you get sucked into his drama, the less you will have to be bounced against the wall during his confusion and depression. Focus on you, what is important in your day and your family. They are your stabilizers for right now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
please elaborate on the work that needs to be done...
when h gets like this i detach more?
im going on 2 weeks nc...except for kiddos
no fighting nothing...things have been very calm and actually quite enjoyable when he has been around...alot more...no pressure at all...listen, validate and support...
seems to work!
any input would be great!
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
The work that needs to be done now is on yourself. This is what I find the hardest! You have to look in the mirror and ask yourself. SELF what can I do to make myself a better person. GAL, have fun also. And most important which I know you are already doing is to be the best parent possible for your kids.
It kinda bothers me when you put it that way, kinda like you are expecting that to magically bring him around.
The things you do are for you , and whatever takes you away from HIS drama.
Is there really a time limit on that ?
What are you gonna do if two weeks doesn't make him see how much he misses you ?
It will make YOU feel like YOU failed, and as long as you do the work on you.......there will be a success story , regardless of your marital status.
Anything less than that is a ploy, and most see right through that. It can make the LBS manipulative, and generally doesn't paint a pretty picture of yourself to hang on the wall.
Stepping away from the drama, finding things that YOU enjoy and have always wanted to do. Finding yourself when you look into the mirror ( and seeing the person you want to see ) are the things that you need to do at this point.
Just because the Merry-Go-Round is spinning, doesn't mean you have to be on it.....
The plan....Has to be your plan, or it is not real.
Their confusion IS a good thing, just like Trapt and Snodderly have said.
This is YOUR time.....use it to your advantage.....
