I don't know if you saw the update on my thread. My H and I have been physically separated since April of 2008 and legally separated since Nov. of 2009. He has been with OW since March of 2008.
For close to 2 years I heard from him that divorce was his only option and R's should not be work and blah blah blah.
Last week he sent me a message and he told me he is having terrible problems in his R with OW and he now realizes it was not all me. He actually told me he was very jealous of the time and effort I put in working on me. He said the same problems we had are now happening with his GF. In a nutshell he said that obviously divorce is not the answer to fix things and he sees that now. That being said he has decided to "stick it out" with OW as he knows he caused too much damage with me.
Considering I have not been in his life for two years and now he has the same problems in another R clearly the common denominator is him. It's too bad it took an affair, a very ugly divorce, 6 figures in legal fees and the destruction of our R for him to see that.
I agree, in most cases the LBS does gain a level of understanding that the WAS may or may not ever gain. IMO it is very difficult to really "work on you" when you are deeply invested in another sexual/intimate/romantic R and many WAS are involved in such a R.
My H also told me last week he is constantly surprised with the way I communicate with him now and he guess he doesn't know the new me.
I do take great solace in the fact (and yes, it is a fact) that if something this horrific had to happen at the end of the day I put in great effort to work on me and many, many things in my life have improved because of that effort.
You seem like such a lovely man. As trite as this sounds just keep working on you. Enjoy the b-day for your son!
