I follow Cathy's advise and I bought the Book. I was a little worried that I was going to get even more blue when reading it, but to my surprise it gave so much hope!. I almost finished yesterday after work ( I had to stop when I realized it was 1AM).
I think I have been reading so much about what is "wrong" with my situation and NOTHING about what to do about it from the HD spouse.
Now I feel so much better knowing there are some actions can take without having to involve a very reluctant H.
I also thank you afools_fool for giving me good advice. Also to CeMar. We have decided not to have children until we are better on our relationship. He thinks we are a good couple and have a good marriage, me , on the other hand was seeing all through the glasses of a sex starved wife, so nothing felt right. Wow, I am so surprised how relieved I am after reading part of the book! To think I am not completely poweless and just wishing something to change without being able to really "do" anything about it. Now I have some nice wife duties to pull and I am happy about it. Children can wait until we are both ok with our marriage.
Afools_fool and Blackroot also made the point about how work is such a BIG deal to men. I cannot say I completely understand that, but I believe you and I will make more efforts to understand that and try to make my H not feel like a failure and that should be easy enough to show, since I don't think that for a minute! We both have pretty good jobs and lots of debt we are paying off, so we are both pressure on that area. Very insideful of you guys when you commented "that maybe he felt responsible since he moved us to that Town" that is right on the nail!
I have decided that I will no nag anymore (difficult , but I think doable) and I will relax and read the rest of the book so I can learn what other steps to take (I stopped right on Chapter 7)
