SSM, this is what you seem to be entirely blind to. THERE IS NO WAY with you current mind and behaviors, that you could be an attractive sexual partner to your W. Given you have been this way for a long time, there is no way you have any real insight as to what you W's SD would be in a healthy R to a partner she found attractive. Right now, YOU are the biggest barrier to intimacy in your M. Quit focusing on rationalizing your behavior and justifying your conceit about how W works.
If you can't man up and be a decent husband, be loving, faithful, passionate, and insist on a great M for both of you, then leave already.
