MSM;
I'm with Grislen that you are not being selfish, sex is a basic human need and is very importatant to a marriage.
Couple of thoughts from a guy from the flip side and just a guys perspective.
1. Until you get this straighten out to your satisfaction don't have children it will get worse then!
2. Your smart to have quit threating leaving, my wife did that I offered to help her pack, and I was serrious. Don't make a threat you don't want to follow up on. Don't use leaving as a weapon other wise he may feel the end is near not worth trying.
guys are in gerneral wired differently than women. I for one find sex helps lift me out of being depressed, he must be the other way, has to feel good then will do it.
If work isn't going well for him that a BIG BIG deal for most guys! It reflects on our self image not being good enough to play on the team idea. The same with the town esspcially if he moved you folks there because of his work.
So he maybe feeling like a failure and now his wife is not happy his whole flipping world and life is going into a blackhole in one fell swoop and he may feel helpless to stop it.
If you really love him and want to try and make things better I have some thoughts.
You can't control his work but you can control how you deal with him and thats about it.
First go to him be straight up and not real emotional if you can. (no crying our brains stop working when our ladies cry) Tell him how much you love him and that if anything you did hurt him you truly sorry and you WILL NOT threaten to leave him any more! (if your going to leave just do it) Tell him that you understand he's upset about things at work and around this town but you married him for HIM not his job or the town. Tell him if those things need to change for him you will be there supporting him. If he's a sports kind of guy talk to him in sports language, tell him even the superstars of teams have off times thats why there are backup quarterbacks and relief pitchers. Tell him that you are his backup and you want him to be your back up. What your doing is your taking the pressure off him to be perffect and you view him as a failure (BIG DEAL!!) we don't want to look like a failure and have our wives thin we are a failure. Tell him you have confidence in him and his ablities to do his career other wise you would not have married him. Now as things go along be interested in his job and why he hates the town. Ask problem solving questions DO NOT tell him what to do.
When he says something like, "I hate my job because I work with a couple of jerks and they make it tough for me or the boss is a nit wit and can't run the department" say something like, so what do you think you should do about it? Then what ever he say support it unless it's "I'm go down with a M-16 and kill the who bunch of them". If it's I need to get better suited to the job, or I need to transffer or find a new job or what ever just tell him that you think that is fine, and you will do your part to help him make the change. If it means you will suffer financially SO what go through it and you will be strong in the end. If he feels "safe" at home and with you things will get better for you physically I would bet.
I hope this helps you any other guys want to chime in here.
I'll give you more thought if you want later other wise I'll shutup. PS Cathy is giving good insite as far as I'm concerned too.
