I've followed your sitch for the most part. You are somewhat of an inspiration. I think detachment is where we all would like to be, while saving our marriages and families at the same time.
That is one of the paradoxes. How do you detach without detaching (from the M)? That is a fear of mine. To do anything else but detach, leaves suffering and pain. I think it is a reason LBS do finally detach - to stop the pain.
I am glad you are in a place of control. It must feel good after all you've been through. I have to ask, have you lost sight of your original commitment when this all began? Is your reluctance to reconcile fear and/or lack of trust of ever going back to that dark place? That's understandable.
Maybe it is too soon for you to begin to trust again. I hope your wife works hard to prove it to you. I hope you can leave a crack open for her without driving her off. She's hurting now, but remember, the heart can only take the pain for so long before it must detach, for survival.
You have a choice. You made a choice to detach and you can make a choice to reconcile, if you wish. I don't know if there is a right or wrong. Pray and think long and hard about it. May wisdom guide you.
