My husband and I have only being married for 2 years (no children) and I feel like a huge failure (`we are only 31 years old)
I love my H dearly, with all the love and passion I am capable of. Unfortunately it seems that my passion is "Too much" for him.
Here is my story:
I am a very attractive , if a bit on the chunky side, woman. I have always being very sexual and always knew it. Even as a teenager when I was still a virgin, I knew it and felt proud of it. I knew this High Libido came with responsibility so I learned to control myself quite well, besides I am a romantic, so I never took the route of having lots of boyfriends. I married a wonderful man, intelligent, opinionated and truly good, who has no interest in sex whatsoever. All started when we were dating, when we would have sex only once a week (I thought it was because we only saw each other on weekends due to work)but when we got married I realized just how truly different our libidos were. In the beggining I just couldn't understant what was happening, I started thinking I was doing something wrong, I went the "I am too fat to be desirable" route too, so I try other things, but when they did not work, I started feeling more and more confused and hurt. I started asking him why and the more hurt and rejected I felt, the more I wanted to talk about it with him, he tell me that he sees sex as a bodily function, nothing important, and that we went without sex for long periods of time after every girlfriend and "got used to it" . Unfortunately the only thing I accomplished with my "talks" was to alienated him even more, now WHEN we have sex, it lasted maybe 5 minutes, he looses his erection completely and when that happens I can see how mortified he is. He then tells me that is either too late and be have to get up early or that he forgot something in the other room and practicaly runs out of the bedroom.
I don't know what to do, I have talked until it hurts, trying to make him understand that is not "and itch that needs scratching " like he thinks it is, but that I love him and need to be physically loved. I have tried to be understanding and patient, without one complain comming out of my mouth for months. Nothing changed. I even stopped initiating sex, so if he wants to, then he can approach me. I had even stop sex when I have looked on his face and I see someone that is not there, totally absent , just laying in there, waiting for me to just do my business and leave him alone. I sometimes feel like I am sexually assaulting him. It breaks my heart.
Are there any LD men that can give me an idea of what could possibly be happening in his head? Any W that have succeded to solve their Libido differences with their LD Husbands.
