Here is my question(s). Next month is our 26th wedding anniversary. What do I do, or NOT do? Do I send a card, buy flowers, ask her out for dinner? Or do nothing.
This is always a tough situation for men and you may get different ideas, but here's mine: A WAW has to suffer some sort of consequenses of her WW and A. If the H showers her with gifts, flowers, cards, etc., then has she had any loss? Does she sense anything different from him? I don't think so.
Many men just cannot get past this anniversary thing without doing something. However, I feel that since you are S and she has been in this EA 2 1/2 yrs, it would not be wise to show her any attention whatsoever on the anniversay. Remember.....she needs to realize that she's lost something precious due to her EA. If you don't take it away from her....how will she realize? Does that make any sense?
I think it would undo your efforts of pulling back. She would think to herself, "Poor thing, he is still so love sick over me. When will he realize that I just don't have those feelings for him any longer?" That isn't how you want her to think.
I think in this case, that anything you did....even a simple card....would not be a positive move, b/c of her attitude. However, by not doing one thing to recognize that date, then she is going to notice! If she is crazy enough to say something about you not doing anything, then be ready for an answer. She is disrespecting you. Are you going to give gifts to a person who disrespects you?
Nothing thus far has worked b/c you didn't back off long enough, and it's hard for you not to make contacts, but if you will continue to go dark on her and pursue your own life and act as if you will be just fine without her.....then that would be best for you. If this A ends, and she tries to pursue a reconciliation with you, then you can decide if you still want her or not.
I may not know everything that works in these cases, but I can almost promise you what doesn't work....and that is pursuing her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
