I think it would be helpful to post a bit more detail. You mentioned on the 27th that you thought she may be moving back in Friday. What happened? What kind of interaction are you having now? Is she initiating contact?
This is a place for encouragement, a little more information would help.
Basically what i'm asking is how should i act, what should I expect since W is back now. Like I said she didn't throw her arms around me and rush back in. A post by Lotus said her and husband took about a year to be comfortable with their closeness. We talked for a couple of hours while she unpacked some of her things. No relationship talk , just good conversation.
That's a start. DO NOT TALK R right now. Show her with actions. Are you enacting changes? Are you giving her some space? Don't push or she will crawl back into her hole.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Well, W has been home 3 weeks. We talk better now than we have for a long time. I read the 5 love languages and would like to apply some of those things from that book but don't want to push too much. I have said little things to let her know what she means to me and have hugged her at times. Twice she has initiated a hug. My fear is that we will fall into the same situation as before. Me trying to get close to her, hugging her and telling her how I feel but then backing off because she doesn't return any feelings. I thind that's why we grew apart before. Does anyone have any insight or ideas?
My H came back just before Xmas and is still here.. Its not easy but it just takes patience. What were her LL's they will help you in doing thing to make her feel cherished but without necessarily touching her unless of course one of hers is physical touch.
Space is the most important thing Ive found, we have serious money problems because of us living apart for six months, we are both worried half to death about it but accept there is nothing we can do.. Giving each other space has helped, remember she has been used to being without you for a while..
Im off to read the rest of your thread but just wanted to let you know youre not the only one piecing tentively! (())
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thanks Lost Rabbit. I don't know exactly what her LL is yet, I believe it's words of praise. W hasn't finished her copy of the book. I told her mine was touch and words she said she hasn't gotten to the end of the book to take the test.
Well you could try using Words of Affirmation, but its not about saying "your beautiful darling" " or you look sexy in that" it is about knowing them.. My H said I didnt know him anymore, well its kinda hard playing guess work was my first thought but Im trying much harder to know what he likes and what ways I can show I know him better..
Example:
Xmas Presents
Nice designer jumper because he hadnt felt like spoiling himself before so wanted to show he was worth it.
Aftershave, again something he didnt buy but likes now so chose some thing special.
Camera kit, photography is hobby, important to acknowledge his like/dislikes
Photo Album to put our new shared memories in.
Valentines Day
Handmade card to show him he was special,
Handmade chocolates I made them, putting time and effort into things.
Sprinkled little sparkly hearts over the table (before would have moaned too messy)
Every day
Go into the kitchen for a kiss and taste his cooking, we both cook in this house but again spending time in the kitchen with him I found how much I'd missed it
9pm Cuddle time is sacrosanct, ok it might swing to a bit later but its a must. Cuddle to go to sleep..
Early morning cuddle even if H is getting up early he knows to pull me for a cuddle even if Im half a sleep lol!
Bit of a dead give away but cuddles are so important to H Im thinking of adding a 6LL cuddles lol!
There are tons of things, pick up your W's fav perfume when your out shopping and leave it in her bathroom. Dont make a big thing of it just a suprise..
Can you cook? Well get going and start learning even if its beans on toast on a night she is really tired or arrange a take away..
The list is endless just ask the girls on here lol!
Ok its really uncomfy at the moment but it can and will get better even if its hard work. Just do a few things dont over do it as you will get accused of smothering her.
Last edited by Lost Rabbit; 02/20/1004:38 PM.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Lost Rabbit this is tough. I have always done some cooking, and helped around the house with chores. I heard women complain that their husbands don't help around the house, I always have, it's just taken for granted. I know you were just giving examples but.. perfume, she bought some new perfume while we were seperated. I have told her many times how good she smells, she basically just ignores my commment. She is into photograghy but buys whatever she wants. cuddling would be real nice except that we sleep in seperate bedrooms. I gave her a choice while we were seperated. We got along really well but she was playing the middle of the road. either she was with me or without me. She came back but said her main drive was for her shop she has here. I didn't competely believe that because I told her the house and the shop could be hers if we divorced. So now we get along but I'm back to feeling like "buddies". I don't have a mortgage all i have is utilities and regular monthly stuff which I pay. I know your mind can think up alot of things, but Iv'e had the thought that she is putting money away "just in case". I think to myself- I don't need a roomate, a roomate would be paying their own way. I just get frustrated. Iv'e been in the middle of the road for a long time now. Sorry just venting. I have thought lately that I should tell her she has to work on our marriage too if it's going ro work.
Ok so pointing out the obvious that it takes two to work at things is gonna get you where?
I know youve been stuck in the middle for a while but youre coming over a tad defeatest, if W is picking that up perhaps she thinks your not working your half!
Who cares if she bought perfume when she was separated.. a woman can never have enough, believe me Ive got four on the go one for every mood lol!
Start thinking about little things you can do that she would appreciate, you might think that your housewifely talents are going unnoticed believe me they are not, its every womans dream to have a H who knows how the hoover, washing machine and dishwasher work.
You said you sleep alone.. How about changing her bed for her when she doesnt expect it, its lush getting into a newly made bed with fresh sheets. Putting fresh fluffy towels out in her bathroom.
Find out about her camera, what SD cards does it use, more are always useful. Cleaning kits just pop a new one by her camera bag. Search the internet for photo courses, my H has loved the one he has just been on. Start to notice things from a photographers point of view, tell her about the lovely trees you saw that she would have like to have taken photos off!
Like I said its all about knowing them! Start thinking like a man who wants to court his W, work on detaching your thoughts being buddies is where we all start a R think of it as a positive not a negative at least your not enemies anymore! It doesnt have to be tons of things, just a little thing she will ponder on and cherish even if shes not telling you that.. She came back for a reason have a bit of faith in that and get off your bu** and start working hun! Always here for ideas seeing as our H's have things in common.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thanks for your comments Lost Rabbit. It's frustrating sometimes and easy to lose sight on how far our relationship has come from when it was at the bottom. I guess I have to look at the whole picture.She would know it takes two, that would be pushing and controlling in her eyes. Thanks for taking your time to keep me on track.
