Dude - you're in a much more awsome place mentally right now than about 99.999% of the people who journeyed this way before you.
Regardless of the direction your travels take you, you'll do very fine indeed!
As for her, she has no idea WTH to do or think right now. Things are pulling at her you can't imagine. You don't want to have to understand, and couldn't anyway. You should never have to. She has no idea what she truly wants or what will truly make her happy. Don't expect her to be 100% behind anything she says, or thinks for a very long time. She'll say or want what she thinks she is suppose to at times. She'll say or want what others want her to at times. And she'll try hard to 'reflect' her innermost fantasies onto her real self at times. She wants to be able to go back to her old life when she is ready; but is drawn to let go of everything holding her back from her fantasy life at this moment.
My X talked about what we might do with the bedroom flooring "if we got back together". Bedroom flooring !?#%$ when the entire world is falling down around you????
When you look for a place find something you and the boys will enjoy as a great base camp for all your adventures, as if that is where you choose to live indefinately. Choose perks. Don't martyr yourself. In alien speak, it will sell better later.
"Resources" say whether the alien finally comes home in the end is up to the LBS. What WILL be up to you in the end is how you choose to live given the things you can control, and in spite of those you can't. Your decisions must be 'for you' and the boys.
just had a very strange exchange. she called at 345 saying she was going home (she's in other town. I've got boys 4 hours away). so fine. I call back. no answer. finally 2 hours later she calls back and says she fell asleep. ok fine. she has a girlfriend, who I know, who was sposed to come over tonight. so I say.. ok fine.. she says good night to the boys. I'm like "ok good night". probably unnerving to her. she calls back from her cell saying she is going to pick up girlfriend becuase the weather is going to be bad. I pause (obviously because this just does not make any logical sense. the weather is fine now). So I say, "ok cool." but its not the response she was looking for. I feel angry alien coming on... the defensive, guilty one that I feel always comes out when she is lying and is doing stuff she knows is wrong. so she calls back AGAIN, spewing all this stuff about how she just wants unconditional love from someone, how we are on different planes, how she thought we were reconnecting but obvuiously she is so annoying to me... all this stuff that is just such crap. she was trying to push my buttons, get me riled up so she could, I think, justify what she was doing. Or maybe she really is going to go get her friend and bring her home. I don't know. but I was trying my hardest not to get sucked in and I didn't... but it was unpleasant.
she is doing her best to ruin my night with the boys.
Well, usually if I want someone to think I'm pissed at them and can't stand talking to them....I try acting like a class A butthole.
Sorry Brad...just saying.
Momma always said you attract more bees with honey than with vinegar.
In fairness to you, I know that this juggling act can be a little tough to figure out. My experience though has been that it's usually best to reward good behavior and get the heck out of dodge when the bad behavior starts to fly.
Look, if your wife wants to have a conversation with you, and she's not in the throes of alien behavior, have a conversation. Leave the needy, clingy, "just wanted to say that I love you" stuff out of it. But have a conversation. And show what a winning guy you are. Show how well you are adjusting. Share what a great time you're having with the guys.
Avoiding relationship talks doesn't mean avoiding talking all together.
When you do that, well, you just come across as uncaring and uninterested.
I'm guesing that neither of those were attitudes you were trying to get across.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
There's really only one reason she feels the need to "report in" about each step she takes... And, wants to make sure it looks like she's "busy" so not to be bothered later (w/a call).
I'm sorry, Bradley...
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
