That's why we as the LBS have to take back the control that the WAS took from us. It is up to us to rise above them and take what had been forcefully taken from us.
It is hard especially how much they battered our self-esteem. But we took the lumps and have healed stronger than ever. We just have to realize that we have the power now.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"the 5 love languages" by Gary Chapman talks about how each person differs in the way they are able to feel love and it lists the 5 ways/languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and physical touch.
It basically points out that couples can have issues due to not using the proper love language that their spouse needs to feel loved. For example your spouse needs to be complimented (Words of Affirmation) to feel you love them but instead you make it a habit to wash his/her car every week (acts of service) to show them you love them. If you would pay them a compliment they would likely respond much better than washing their car, even though you're doing it because you love them.
Originally Posted By: Ruined
Edit: also, for the last 2 weeks since I've been back in the house, interactions w/H have been pleasant, calm. H. has been doing little things like running errands for me, making coffee for me, initiating conversation, etc.
Ruined, glad to hear you're seeing signs of improvement. stick with what works.
Again, I love the idea of this type of thread to figure out techniques others have used that has helped them. Just posting on it, to pull it up to the top. I hope no one minds.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
The 5 Love Languages only apply when there is still a relatively positive R with a few minor problems that are recognized early. The problem is that if you start applying those LLs to the WAS, it just pisses them off. It's just how it is.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Not sure if this is the best place to post this but reading is definitely a great technique to ease the mind. Everyone knows about DR and DB but, I thought we should list some other books that have been helpful or inspiring in your journey. For me I really enjoyed Mort Fertel's Marriage fitness (absolutely worthless unless you have a willing spouse) but it really gives an interesting perspective on love. the 5 LL is a good read Any other suggestions out there?
me 31 her 31 ilybinilwy 10-2-09 i moved out 12-13-09 boy 7 girl 3 boy 16 months
Yep, I enjoyed that program as well. Men are from mars, women are from venus was very good at explaining the differences between the sexes. As far as my sitch goes, I think that misunderstandings were really what got me to this place anyway.
me 31 her 31 ilybinilwy 10-2-09 i moved out 12-13-09 boy 7 girl 3 boy 16 months
I seem to be getting some success by being empathetic to things in my SO's life.
Talking about her feelings, and my own, and listening about problems/issues that have come up in her daily life without necessarily trying to fix the problems, seems to have gotten some interest and melted the ice.
Of course you have to really care about what she's saying and not be doing it just as a technique.
