Thanks Gno and Al! H went to watch TV. He sat by the bed for while, asked a couple of questions about the kids and I was polite but distant.
When we came out of the MC, I told him this isnt working. He said its a pity to divorce because of lack of patience. I said, it is what it is. I said I wont like sitting tonight in bed, you come in, pretending nothing happened, but that is what you will do. That is what he did.
Anyway,the exercise was the following: close your eyes, imagine Maria's eyes, lips, face expression, every detail you can remember. Start a convo with her, take your time, tell her what comes to mind... Then, take off her face, as a mask, who's under it?
He didnt answer, started crying, tears coming down his cheeks. I was standing up, away. I went close to him, kissed him, hugged him. He was in agonizing pain. he couldnt talk. There was silence. She then started talking. I excused myself and left the room. She asked him while I was absent who he was really seeing thru me, what did he tell that person. I dont know the answer. I know she told me he is in pain. She said you are not acting out of selfishness, you resist more the ones you hold dear, you are in pain and fear. You have a choice, unless you deal with it, your M has no future. She said Maria has her issues, she is far from perfect, but she is a step ahead of you. She is not running from herself. You are.
I imagine it was his mom. I think he may have deeper issues than I thought. And he is choosing, once more to avoid them.
I m taking my time, need to. A lot more was discussed. A LOT more. A power struggle. Funny, it was all described in PM. We hit a critical mass. I am differentiating. Out of love for myself. He is resisting change. Two possible outcomes, he grows, we divorce. He is not willing to grow. He is scared.
He said he feels hurt cause I once said (NYear's eve) he is my biggest mistake. He sounded really hurt. As if his A and the year before are both erased. At various moments of the discussion he was talking "about the woman he is with every time". I was dying inside hearing how I am not the woman in his life. I used to be. His wife. I am now his "opponent", the source of pain, hurt, he is my wound. Things change...
Yes Al, he is stubborn. I think he is afraid of what he will discover. But, he is panicking. Me too. K
