"I know you're trying...but it's still kinda pushing."
Encouragement and discouragement in the same breath...but we still parted on positive vibes.
Today has been a good day so far.
My SO came over to pick up our daughter this morning...she was over an hour late and kept saying sorry for being late. I wasnt angry and told her it wasnt a big deal. We chit-chatted for a bit...then she mentioned something about wanting to get her hair done. I ask when she was going and she asked why...so with it being 11:30 I said I wanted to know if she wanted to go to lunch.
She said yeah and asked if I just wanted to go to the mall and eat since that was where she was getting her hair done. I was fine with that and so we went...had a nice lunch. She even paid me a big compliment as a father when our D said something offhand about wanting me to go on to the gym and my SO told her that wasnt nice and that she should be glad to have me "because daddy loves you and not all daddies are as caring as he is". Then my SO went over to the salon to get started while I sat with our daughter who wasnt done eating.
We went over to the salon and sat down, and after about 5 mins my SO said "you can just leave her (our daughter) there and go if you need to."
my heart sank...as I was thinking she was telling me to take a hike. I sat quietly for a moment and then asked her if she wanted me to go and she said it didnt matter she just thought I might need to be somewhere/go to the gym. so I hung around.
As she was getting her hair fixed and a few other things done, I happened to catch a glimpse of her and I almost broke down right there in the salon. She looked so beautiful...and all I could think to myself was "what have I done? how could I have been so blind as to push her away?". I ended up having to excuse myself and take a quick walk around the mall to get myself together.
when it was all over and done with, she thanked me several times for staying and sitting with our daughter(who gets restless sitting an hour and a half at the salon)...going so far as to look deep into my eyes at one point when she was saying it. It was kind of weird...for a second I thought a hug or something might be coming. Maybe thats how she feels when I give her "the look" that she doesnt like. (of course in my case if a hug had come along I would have been floating on cloud 9)
as we were heading towards the mall exit she asked me what was wrong. I told her nothing and she said that I seemed upset ever since she told me that they might be going to her divorced friend's house tonight. I guess she thought I was upset and thinking that her and the OM were gonna go there together when she meant her and my daughter were going. I told her I wasnt upset and really only asked because I was wanting to know what she was doing tonight after our D went to sleep.
That's when she said "I promise-promise I will try to find a night next week after work when I'm not so tired and will come over to have drinks." I pleasantly and calmly told her that if she was too tired it was ok, that she didnt have to come over, and that I didnt want her to do it out of obligation either. I told her it was about relaxing and having fun.
About then is when she surprisingly calmly said what I opened this post with, "I know you're not sure what to do...I know you're trying...but it's still kinda pushing." While it was a bummer to hear her say I was still pushing, it was good to hear her acknowledging my efforts. At least I know stuff isnt going unnoticed.
We joked around and chitchatted a bit more, let our daughter play on the kids rides by the door, then walked to our cars where I helped her get the stroller in her trunk (it's huge and her new car has a smaller trunk opening). She thanked me again and we exchanged goodbyes.
A few hours later she ended up coming back by the house to drop off some stuff she got at the store for our daughter to eat. She even went upstairs and used the bathroom while she was here...which isnt major but it still surprised me because she hasnt done that ever since she moved out. At any rate, she said see ya later, I said have a good night, and again we parted positively.
So there were some minor bumps in what happened today...but all in all a good day so far. :-)
