Today is my last day at my current contract job. I feel I did an exceptional job, but that leaves all of next week with nothing to do. I hate idle time. I am alone with all my thoughts.
Reconciliation is something that is such a pipe dream i refuse to even let it consume an inch of my thoughts.
I feel i have hurt this person too much. Yes I wish i could lean on her for support but i know that is unrealistic and very selfish. We do share a daughter, so I guess the only thing i can do is try to be a better parent to her. I don't see how we can parent this child unless we talk to each other, so facing her is inevitable at this point.
It is just a matter of when. Now that I have admitted to my issues/problems it would seem that i have a way to start being honest from here on out. The problem is maintaining that. I have never known how. Time to learn.
I am 34 years old and i have to start my brain over. That is a scary ass thought/action. What will I be like? Who will like me? Everything is uncertain.
I hope i don't go nuts. It feels like i am going nuts.
