Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

OK so the other thing is that because we have been seeing one another still as co-parents, it hasn't been out of sight out of mind. So I haven't been able to detach. And we haven't turned into strangers.

In the weird situation he has never shoved OW in my face, has never threatened me with money issues, has consistently been a part of S's life, has helped with the house...My point is that if he had been a big bad bully and/or cruel, I would feel differently. But like I said I know he is in there still.

Last, I have said it before but I'll say it again. Aside from being a poor housekeeper, I know I took him for granted. I was not experienced with relationships and how to maintain them. However, I think if we had talked about our feelings and needs, I would have improved. But we didn't. SO my point is that I wasn't the best wife I could have been and there were times I chose to spend time with my friends instead of him or I chose to just get a card to celebrate our anniversary instead of planning a romantic event. Don't know why. Anyway, no one is perfect. Not to make light of the affair it's just that I made mistakes too.

And last...it all depends IF he wants to reconcile, it will depend on if he is willing to do it the way I need him to...I really need to see that he wants to "fight" for our relationship and he would show this by willingly handing over access to everything, going to counseling, explaining what the hell he was thinking, and apply for a transfer to a different building than OW. I mean I just want to see what happens next, and if he can't do it then so be it....divorce.