Well H always says he suffers from "anxiety." I feel it as anger! Who knows. Stress, of course, what with his tendency to want to seek approval, be perfect ( the eldest jewish son has a lot of that kind of pressure), make all the money, etc. Depression< I don't know. I am the one who suffers from that.
He only speaks of it rarely, he's too embarassed, I think to admit it often. At this point I must not take his anger/anxiety so personally, I must just take space and not try to fix it, make him feel better, feel like if only I do something differently or better, he will feel better and we will not all succumb to his moodiness (my childhood pattern). I am working on soothing myself instead of expecting him to be gentle with me when he's stressed. I have choices to walk away and take care of myself, or to try to help him. It's often tough but my biggest job right now is not to feel responsible for his frustrations.
I think he is extremely hard on himself and critical of himself which is why he comes across this way to others sometimes. I think he doesn't speak up for what he really feels because he is so duty bound. It's what I fell in love with about him (my father a bit of a narcissistic artistic free spirit who does whatever he feels all the time) but has become what I struggle with in H. I need to work on not taking his criticisms so personally, but it's tough when I want him to be more sensitive and gentle.
We'll figure it out...I want to empathize with his anxiety without reacting to his negativity. It's a fine line.
