I'm so sorry... As a woman, I can say that facing not being able to have a child, worse yet losing all your female reproductive parts, is something that just consumes you at a basic level. It is not rational. Instictively you feel like you are not a woman, you cannot do what a woman should and you feel like your personhood is being taken away from you against your will. She is probably running from M and life to escape the pain. She may feel like a complete failure and she has to go through these feelings herself. You can love her and accept her and over time this may help. But you can't make her accept herself right now. She will have to go through the pain - you cannot save her IMHO.
She may need to withdraw, she may need to talk. She may be all over the map. I would just try to let he go through whatever she needs to go through. You can try to get her help, but you can't force her to get help. If you are patient, she will ask for help when she's ready.
She's probably drowning in unbearable pain right now. I know it is hard to watch when you love someone. Some of us have been talking on the threads lately about not saving our spouses from their feelings. We really can't stop them from freaking out, getting depressed, etc.
Now of course if she's suicidal you can sort of force help on her by admitting her to the hospital. But anything short of this I would advise to just keep doing what you are doing - tell her you love and accept her just as she is, even if she can't accept herself right now.
Perhaps you can talk to a IC yourself to get guidance on how you can best be there for her in all her fragility right now.
