Still Wandering

[NOMAD]

Last night as a LRT and to completely drop the rope I told Mrs. NOMAD that this last year was unproductive in improving our marriage and I have decided to move on. I am tired of apologizing for the things I've done wrong in the past and I can't do anything about them. I'm tired of trying to feel her pain, anger and numbness, it's in the past and I can't do anything about it now. I can't pull her back and I will no longer try. From now on I'm looking forward into MY future and will do what's best for ME.

I said that Retro made me realize that to dwell on the past is unhealthy and is poisoning our lives. We need to accept that our marriage of the past is dead, we need to have a marriage funeral, morn and move on into the future.

She asked if this meant separation or divorce. I told her my basic feelings remain the same and I would hope for a NEW and happier relationship for both of us. I told her I can't control her, I'm letting her go, and she has to make her own decisions. I want her to join me, it's her decision and it's as easy as that. I told her I still disagreed with a separation or divorce and I still would not be leaving the house. She said she didn't want to leave because of our S.

We both seemed relieved throughout the evening and had very positive dialogue concerning our futures. I felt she understood what I was feeling and she even complimented me, she said she found me more attractive and had more respect for me.

THEN THE PHONE RANG. I couldn't find it because it was some new cell phone hidden under papers on her desk. When asked about the mystry phone she said she had found it and was going to return it to the store, TOTAL BS!This morning the story was that she was holding it for a GF who had a "thing" going on, not true. She even had the GF call me and apologize for getting us involved and she would come pick up the phone.

Then MRS. NOMAD starting talking, only 1/2 truths though. She admitted to the PA of 2-3 months ago. Having an EA for 2 years and the "several" sex encounters. She still has feelings for this OM. I was the 4Cs, said I needed to digest all of this and we had a long way to go but at least we are in MC.

She wanted the phone. I kept it, reversed numbered....it was registered in her maiden name and the only other number in it was the OM.....go figure.

The tide has completely changed, I have many options and opportunities, what can some of you recommend? I don't want to screw this up this weekend and to think I slept well last night thinking I'd regained my self respect and some of her respect.


Still Wandering,
NOMAD