On Page 381 of Not Just Friends Shirley Glass makes it CRYSTAL clear that if you are having problems in your marriage the LAST thing you should be doing is
1. Talking to a friend the same sex as your parnter 2. Opening up to them about intimate details of your life 3. Talking to them in PRIVATE 4 Avoiding your partner 5. NOT seeking advice from a trained professional family therapist with a stirling track record 6. NOT doing research on how to improve your marriage - there's books falling off the shelf on this.
If your H thinks there's NO ONE else to talk to he's fooling himself.. He should be making an appointment with a family thereapist.
If he DOES want to talk to someone... I would find a FT for him and give him their card... tell him
"THAT's where you go when you have problems in your home... not into the the arms of that woman... she's NOT going to make any of your problems go away... she's just made them a LOT worse... You may only be a part - time father now because of her... was it worth it?"
Give him the FT business card and walk away.
The NEXT time he wants to visit kids you hire a sitter and don't be there.
He's using his kids to get access to YOU and talk... You need a third party to handle the children's meets and info... cut off ALL CONTACT until he's in therapy.
Buy Not Just Friends and look at pp 380 - 81 This is THE book you need right now.
