What a terrific post (for all of us to remember!).
Kevin - *really* think about that post above and all the recent exchanges you had with your W. ALL of them had a "reason" that backed up your stance when in fact they were ways to spend time with your W.
You accepted an invitation to spend time with your W's family in the hopes that making amends with them would lead you towards reconciling with your W. Again, you are banking on an outside force (your W's family) to assist in bringing your W back.
You were on the moon when you thought your W was taking a lower paying job. A lower paying job would force her to abandon her "free" lifestyle. You banked on an outside force (the lower paying job) to assist in bringing your W back.
You put so much stock in the time you spent with your BIL a while back and him talking some sense in your W about the marriage. You banked on an outside force (your BIL) to assist in bringing your W back.
As you can see a family, a BIL and a job did nothing to bring your W back. This is the most basic way I can think of to exhibit to you the *only* slight possibility you have to bring your W back is to change you. There is not any outside force/factor that will change her mind. Not even a death (your mom) swayed her for more than a few months. If LIFE, DEATH and FAMILY, the THREE MOST POWERFUL sources known to man cannot bring her back then nothing will except you changing you.
You cannot change you and remain attached. It is so very simple. You must detach, remove the hope that outside forces will sway your W and get to work.
Leaving her alone, being her safety net, not setting boundaries and the host of other tactics you stick to in addition to the reliance on outside factors has done nothing and will continue to do nothing.
