I have in the past been a very critical wife. So now I have learned (am still learning) to just let some things go. I have discovered that the world does not stop spinning if the dishwasher is not loaded my way or the kids do't go through their evening routine entirely and/or in the right order.
I have been losing weight since August when we began having very serious problems (even though he didn't drop the bomb until November). I am down by about 25 pounds since then. Another 35 and I will be at the same weight as when I got married 6 years ago.
I quit smoking on December 12th, so almost 2 months.
I am trying to do more 180's - smiling whenever he walks in the door and not nagging him. (Although he did promise to move the boxes to the garage three days ago!) I'm also trying to learn to play with my children, which is a big deal to him. I show genuine interest in my H's ideas and just lighten up overall.
I have been trying to GAL. Finding that more difficult here in this new place. I did finally get the call roster, so I have that off my mind. I also told him (not asked!) that I am taking a four day trip to Las Vegas after he gets back at the end of February. I work as an independent consultant for an adult novelties company based out of Vegas and that is our National convention. He has not allowed me to go in the last two years, saying that there are better ways to spend our money. However, my business made money last year, and I have stayed with our children and parented them alone for a very long time. I have earned a vacation. Surprisingly he didn't say much; seems to agree about me needing a vacation actually.
I don't know where it falls in, but I have also stopped pampering him. I don't serve him at meal times, which was really weird at first. We also don't wait dinner on him. I tell everyone when it's ready and whenever he gets to the table he can eat. I make coffee in the morning for both of us but I don't pour him a cup. I don't wash his clothes, and when he leaves stuff laying around I don't pick up after him. If I can't stand the mess I make piles of his stuff where he will find it harder to ignore (ie - in front of his computer screen).
I don't tell him where I'm going or when all the time. I don't go out by myself except to the grocery store or Walmart, but even when I'm with the kids I don't always apprise him of our plans. I figure if he wants to know where I am he knows how to operate a cell phone. And when I do tell him the things I am taking the kids to do, it is always something they will have a lot of fun doing. But it's not an invitation. Again, if he wants to go he can carve out time for us.
I guess overall I'm, learning to relax and enjoy my own life as independent of him and my children. I'm remembering that there is more to me than the titles of mom and wife. My H and I are civil and even friendly most of the time. I don't mention the OW and I don't confide in him. It is strange, living with a man who is more like a roommate than my husband.
Oh, and I do occasionally throw in acts of random kindness for him. But I don't lavish all my attention on him. And while I smile and am friendly with him, I do not say ILY or engage in casual physical contact. That's really hard for me, but I'm doing it anyway.
Today will be a good day.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
