John, You have been here all 2 years, you know I have been "In" from day 1.
At this point, my head is OUT. My heart is still split 60% out, 40% in. I am working to eradicate the 40%. Hence the counselor and the books. I don't know how you flip the switch.
One day I will think of all the sh!t he has pulled, imagine him having sex with the women he cheated on me with, remember the lies, the time I texted him in KC because I had the MRSA superbug thing in my back, it had been sliced open and packed, and I texted him bc I was crying it hurt so bad and I wanted him to come home and help me with the kids. He didn't come home until 1 am cause he was with her...
In those moments I am 100% out and I want to just erase him from my life. But then I don't know what happens, he will come by to visit and make some witty banter-type comment to me and I hear myself starting to tease back like old times? Wtf...
Should I focus on those negatives and let myself be mad at him? But mad is still an emotion, I don't know how to just feel indifferent yet but I am welcome to suggestions.
I know, I am a mess! But I am working to get mentally and physically stronger every day.
Last night I gave him the February calendar. So we really shouldn't even have anything to communicate about except if there is a kid-related emergency.
You will get there when you are ready but Dan won't "feel" it until you set the boundaries that divorce creates. Perhaps being cut off will shake the man...that I know is probably wishful thinking but since I am only 3 hours away I could drive up and help you if you want!
It takes a while to cut off the emotions. I was at this for nearly two years before I found these boards and it still took me at least another 6 months after that. I do have slips now and then when something will get me and I cry for a few minutes and then move on.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
you know I have been pulling for you from day 1... :-)
<<But then I don't know what happens, he will come by to visit and make some witty banter-type comment to me and I hear myself starting to tease back like old times? Wtf...>>
sooooo....either you shut that door or embrace it and build on it...
I know it is difficult but in my case what helped me move on was the limited contact. Remember when I was still at home...it was excrutiating to be in contact. Just thinking about it now gives me a knot in my stomach....so I can imagine how you are feeling when he is in your home.
one way to turn that 40% switch off big time is if you have some non-regurgitating passion with a new good man.
Kerry, I am trying!!! CA has evaporated, his divorce is supposed to be final this month and he mentioned that winter is when he is rather 'dark'...so probably for the best he isn't contacting me. I refuse to chase anyone at this point so I let it go.
Still on Match, up to 907 profiles removed. Hey, either someone gives me a spark or they don't. If they don't, why weed through their profiles every time? Thinking I need to find a hobby/join a club, team, or group that is not just a girls' thing...don't meet men at 5:30 mom's fit camp!
Don't know what it says about me but that time period a couple months ago where I was better detached, I was first texting with pukeboy and then had that great date with CA.
Now that I am working out consistently and taking care of myself I am even more confident, if I just met someone fun it would be great! Don't want a commitment, just some fun, laughs, a little kissing, you get the idea!
The problem is that if I went with the "I am in" approach, and followed MWD's books, I would encourage the flirting, joking, spending time together stuff. And try to build on that...
But we all know my boy Dan has some issues with a capital I...
All the hanging out in the world won't fix that. And he has said basically point blank he doesn't want a relationship with anyone, he is depressed, hates his life, doesn't feel safe opening up, yadayadayada...so I would consider being his gal pal a cheeseless tunnel leading only to 'expectations' and 'disappointment' on my end, and 'cake' on his end.
So actually, boundaries and tough love/firm stance is the best bet, I think.
p.s. Anybody know a cute fun guy within an day's drive of Omaha?
Can you see me rubbing my face with my hands in complete frustration?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
