do you think? I do appreciate your positive thoughts, but for now I feel like it is a little counterproductive to think about it that way.
I made this decision fully realizing I could be moving to a town where I'm going to be living apart from my kids, my wife might be developing a stronger relationship with some other dude, and I am going to be starting a new chapter.
I talked to my MC and he said "its the 4th quarter and you are behind by 2 touchdowns". I agree. he said he wants me to play loose.
so I am. I have decided to take the approach that I need to just be a constant, peaceful presence in her life. forcing her to come down and be with me with the boys certainly didn't work.
laying back, figuring out that I need to reprioritize what is important in my life, thanks to jack, mach, cat, bworl, trapt... and others here, is where I am now.
I see some light now. I am moving to a really great town. its a college town with lots to do, lots of interesting people, and a great life for me. I also will be with my boys. My "dream" of being a heart surgeon, having the beautiful wife, the boys when I come home... is gone for now. but I am coming to terms with that. I really think that in the end I will be a much better person and a happier person. but the process is and has been extremely painful. but as everyone said here it gets a little easier every day.
when I was 19 my mother died suddenly. the waves of grief are something I remember well. this is a similar thing. I feel hopeful for a while then I get waves of grief.
but I haven't cashed in my chips yet. I am just trying to give her a peaceful "lighthouse" (see resources) to come back to if she wants to. she's a mess. she is in a bad place. all I can do is try and be something constant and supportive in her life. that has been my resolution...since yesterday!
by they way, spellcheck said "reprioritize" is not a word. if it isn't then I just made it up... or I don't know how to spell it good
also, CAT... my wife is beautiful, yes I am stuck on that... but I also just have always loved being with her.
Wow. You have shown such growth and courage! Good for you, B/EW! I doubt that you will ever regret this decision. Whatever happens with your M, your boys will see your commitment in time. In the end, that is all that will matter.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
Dr. B- You do sound more even-keeled, thoughtful and much less reactive..so good for you! Remember your focus now as it will help down the road when the rollercoaster takes a turn.
Be the lighthouse-good image to keep in mind(I often forget of late!). Someday your boys will realize just how much you love them and what you did to be with them!
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
It’s ok to think she is beautiful. If you truly love her, then you will see beyond the surface beauty as well. I believe you probably do.
Just trying to get you to see where your focus appeared to be. As a medical professional, it is sort of easy to do that. Separate the body from the person. But the two go hand in hand. In an R, you have to appreciate them both. And if you appreciate and love what is on the inside, then what is on the outside, is not so important.
You are doing well my friend.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I am glad for you Bradley. I really am. This choice says something about you and the type of person you are...and really from my point of view, it one of...I feel vindicated. I suspected you were this man. : )
Let me be the cold wind in front of the storm on a nice day.
You wife will likely not be happy with this choice. RIGHT NOW.
However, down the road, this action on your part will show her what is important in your life and when you reconcile...to whatever you both reconcile too being, this move will be a big part of it. She will, in time appreciate your sacrifice.
She may never tell you this. : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
she seems pleased by it, and perhaps doesn't know what to do with it since it is sortof a "180" for me to sacrifice... I think it is giving her a lot to think about... on top of everything else she is thinking about.. whatever that may be. I know she isn't sleeping. she has spent a few days not feeling well at home recently over the last 2 weeks.
I have to be honest. I don't feel great today. I picked the boys up and they are with me. so gonna focus on them for the weekend. tough to see her. she was talking about "when I move up there I can get a place in the city...then depending on what happens we could always rent it out...". Who knows when she is blowing smoke. Driving me crazy. just want to say "where the hell is your head at?" but biting my tongue.
but I feel like it is the best move for now... all things considered.
