how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

(((talia))) thanks, i needed that.

i just had a hard night last night after seeing him and then talking to my mom. even at 30 years old, my mom is WAY up in my business, and if ANYONE needs to do some GAL-ing, it's her. she is sitting on her couch crying over my marriage 24/7, and while she says she's not mad at my H the way she was last time he wanted to separate, she does think he is a big A-hole for "giving up" on our marriage and you know, i can't pick up the phone to say hello to her without her filling my ears up with how there is no way he could love me and then walk away like that. i just try to let it go. it's hard, though...she lives 15 minutes from me and we've always been very close. if i don't call her every day, she assumes i'm lying dead on the floor of my apartment. she did tell me she was proud of how i was handling all of this, though...

180 for me this morning, i picked up some boxes that were laying around in my office to take home and pack up some of the kitchen stuff. i don't want him taking my good drinking glasses that were a wedding present from my aunt, so i guess i won't even give him the option. yeah me! i will be busy GAL-ing tonight having dinner with my sister and a guy friend of ours, so i'll have to pack them up later tonight - you know, when i have some free time.

i get what your therapist is saying, i think my H could possibly be doing that to validate his feelings...but at the same time, he's saving a lot of money on rent and he plans to give me a hefty chunk of his paycheck each month. he only signed a 6 month lease, and he has a LOT of bills to pay, so i know he couldn't really afford anything very nice.

i don't know if i have said this, but he has never ONCE said the D-word to me. he only says we should separate. i don't know if he's dancing around the issue or what, but i don't push it, and like you suggested, i'm going to let that agreement thing lay low. he won't hear a peep out of me about that.

turns out i won't be going to his sister's school talent show...his mom thought they would be too confused/upset about us being there together and might get their hopes up. he did offer to video it for me and leave it at the apt when he comes to move so i can at least contact his sister later on and let her know i saw it. he said they don't really understand adult issues all the time. i replied, hell, i'm 30 and i STILL don't understand adult isses all the time.

thanks for the support and the advice about accepting his apologies for what they are. i'll work on just validating and not going out of my way to excuse.

feeling a little better today, but...it's still early.