Praying for Light at the end of the Tunnel

[kjensen]

Hi OP-
Yeah, the paycheck won't go into the joint account, which has really been funded just by me since November...H would put a little money into our joint account from his business when he thought we could use it..otherwise he keeps it in his business account.

I guess I anticipate an angry response from H no matter what I do..because there will be even less control (or illusion of control) over our(my) money. Maybe some fear of being truly (financially) alone? I've left a good amount of money in the joint account so he can still buy his gas/groceries off my dime.

I always saw our money as OUR money-never mattered to me who made what-we shared in all decision-making and I would ask before buying anything for myself..even though most of OUR money was my money..

His big beef all of these years was he didn't make enough money having his own business. For awhile he blamed me for supporting him in his own business and finding reasons why it worked for us(he was home when the kids got home from school, could help them get to afterschool activities, he could develop a closer relationship with them, his business was helping others)..money-making is tightly tied to his feelings of self-esteem and self-worth. Not mine..what you make in our screwy society doesn't say anything about who you are as a person, in my book. Otherwise teachers would have the salaries of NBA stars!

H now says he made the decision to have his own business and doesn't blame me...I don't think his emotions have caught up with more adult perspective he's stating now.

I thought it interesting too, that H glommed onto that particular book. His love language is words...(mine is words/physical touch)..so that he felt neglected 'for years' says to me that I wasn't giving him the verbal love he needed, even though I always thought I was very verbal about my positive feelings...or maybe its just the MLC re-writing of history.
In any case, more knowledge is power to put to good use.