When we are at the stage where we (and this may be BBJ's case) do not want a divorce and are still hoping that a miracle will happen, we compromise or find excuses for not putting up those boundaries. Why? Probably because of fear. We fear that we will somehow push our spouse away forever. In this case I would wager that the majority of folks reading along probably are on the "you can do better BBJ" train. But BBJ has not boarded yet. So I can write till my fingers ache or suggest self help books everyday, change needs to come from within. I think you need to have that aha moment. I am repeating myself and as strange as this seems, BBJ needs to answer that age old question truthfully. Is she IN or OUT. NOT I know, with all he did I should be out or he does not want me I should be out. YOU BBJ, in your gut....what is it that you feel? By your actions or lack there of vis a vis minimizing contact, I would say you are IN and there is a certain comfort in having Dan around. Not judging here at all, just calling it like I see it.
