I want to say this, being in perimenopause for the last 4-5 years myself, yes I am a little young but…
Hormones play a big part in the emotionality and reactivity of a woman’s psyche. Being aware that that is what it is, is a big step in controlling it. A few of the people on here have dealt with me off the board during one of my swings and they can tell you, it can be freaky. But honestly, it really doesn’t have to be as bad as you are making it.
Up and down, crying, anger, things blown out of proportion, not knowing really why you feel this way, until you look at a calendar or the period actually starts, is scary. But understanding and patience from the people around you help tremendously. Is it an excuse to act badly?
I don’t allow it to be. I just try to warn people that I might cry a whole lot (I do). But that is just me….
DBS,
I am going to agree with Bill about the sexual abuse.
I too don’t think your W just falls into these sexual situations with men. I am also not saying she goes looking for them, but when people are sexually abused, it does something to them that most people simply do not understand. Your trust has been violated, you begin to think that sex is a way to communicate (which it is), but the specialness of it is removed. It becomes separate in your mind. Love and sex do not go hand in hand for most people who have been violated in that way. It is a way to feel in control, that you have power in a situation. There are many more things that happen to someone who has been repeatedly violated and they way they view themselves, other people, relationships, and the world is very different that for people who have not.
It sounds like your W has some major issues to deal with.
I too am not sure if there is a M to work on at this point because there are just bigger issues to be dealt with. You too probably really need to try to understand sexual abuse as deeply as you can so that you can really see what your W has been experiencing.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
