dating and separation?

[Cadet]

The key word is "mystery"

[trytryagain]

[quote=trytryagain]in all honesty, if he wanted to date, i probably would do it, too, just so i didn't feel left behind.

I mean do it up right too. Even if it's drinks or movies with the girls, put on something that will knock his socks off, maybe even something new, smell good and work it all the way out the door. Turn his head, walk out, have fun and DO NOT CALL HIM OR TAKE CALLS FROM HIM while you are out.If you can spend the night in a hotel.

thanks for the input...the thing is, my H is moving out this weekend. he won't be far, but he will be on the other side of town, so me getting dressed up and looking my best to head out the door will only be seen by the dog. i know it'll make ME feel better, but he won't see any of it...

[OnceBurdened]

so often in the past if he's done a boys night or been away on business, i'll try to one-up him by also going out, staying out later, trying to have more fun than him. i know it's not a competition, and it's sad to admit it (even to myself!) but i'm a lot more insecure than i let on.

Sorry, I don't want to step on your feelings and I don't want you to get a divorce.I wanna help you, give you a perspective and you can use it if you feel like it , OK?

Okay here it is from the GUYS perspective. NONE of what YOU are saying about YOU is attractive. Insecurity - not attractive, compliance to H's wishes - not attractive, seeking approval -not attractive.

SO Stop - You need to 180. I DID NOT SAY DATE. Remember I said go out, create the illusion, and also have fun.

If he won't see you leave, than have a friend post an "improptu" picture of you and friends having a blast ( while you are looking sooooo hot) and post on Facebook or something. Get creative.

I'm not saying to cross any moral boundaries I'm saying Get On With Your Life like he is out of it already. And let him know you have and what he is missing!

which i know is not a very healthy expression of love. again. insecure.

I guess seperating, moving out & wondering every so often openly, @ your M is your H's idea of " a healthy expression of Love"

Stop this thought process.

i guess i won't bring up dating unless he does...it just KILLS me to think about him going out with someone else. maybe i'll be more open to it in a few months or later down the road, and i guess i DID flirt with a few guys while i was out the other night...but i just ended up feeling guilty.

This is SEEKING His Approval. You gotta STOP this also.

[trytryagain]

OB,

thanks very much for the reality check. i've actually been talking to a life coach and working on my insecurity issues, because i do know that insecurity is NOT attractive, and it's also not ME.

i appreciate your efforts to keep me in check. i'm still very much in the "woe is me" phase of this, and i'm looking forward to coming out on the other side. and since i plan to do everything i can to move on with my life, hopefully that will be sooner rather than later.

my H isn't on facebook (he must be the only one on earth), but his sister, some close friends, other relatives are...i'm sure my shiny new life would get back to him somehow.

[OnceBurdened]

OB,
i do know that insecurity is NOT attractive, and it's also not ME.

^^^^GOOD^^^^^

i appreciate your efforts to keep me in check. i'm still very much in the "woe is me" phase of this, and i'm looking forward to coming out on the other side. and since i plan to do everything i can to move on with my life, hopefully that will be sooner rather than later.

Turn that to - WOE IS HIM.
In MY opinion when you are dealing with a WAS whether or not there is an A the 1st thing that should happen is the LBS should immediatelly set boundaries and start the "shame on you look what your missing" -process. BOOM just like the BOMB they just got dropped on them.

First of all that process is not actually a DBing effort persay. But if you kinda employ that mindset while getting a life, 180ing and being counterintuitive it's a little bit of an extra- kick or spark- depending upon your application.

BUT - My approach may not be the best for you. And it is worth noting I'm climbing out of my own sitch and am not a veteran.

I listened to Coach, Greek, Puppy, Gnosis and RobX -mainly during my sitch. I did not always follow just Pup, or just Coach or just RobX. They do not know my W or me they know what we post. You can never post enuff info to reflect all that comprises a relationship and the two of you. You just can't.

So if I am helping you let me know, HEED - ALL the advice given and taylor it to fit your needs, be honost when you post and all of us reviewing can advise you on what is and isn't working.

[trytryagain]

woe is him. i like that. actually, i love it. i just may have to make that my new mantra.

i probably am being a little to nice to him at the moment. i am taking talia's advice and packing some of his things up tonight for his move tomorrow (he's not currently sleeping at home so he won't be around to see me do this). trying to adopt the attitude of: if you want to leave, go right ahead. and let me help you get there a little faster. and also make sure you don't take my good dishes.

i do appreciate all the advice, though. even when it's hard to hear.

[flowmom]

trytry, I can relate to how tricky it is to figure out what GAL is. Dating isn't really the right thing for you and I right now, IMO. The bomb is too recent. Something social focused on something that really interests you would be better.

Maybe try to finish this sentence a few times:
I would feel confident if __________ [finish sentence with something that you can do]

You have no kids, so there's no excuse for you to not GAL .

[SmileysPerson]

Getting-A-Life is not synonymous with "dating."

Dating isn't what you do to bust your divorce.

Dating is what you do after you're divorced (or, like me, you're certain you're getting divorced) AND after you've already Gotten-A-Life.

[orangedog]

Getting-A-Life is not synonymous with "dating."

Dating isn't what you do to bust your divorce.

Dating is what you do after you're divorced (or, like me, you're certain you're getting divorced) AND after you've already Gotten-A-Life.

Yes.