I did the really seperated things and the "coming over" thing. Honestly the coming over thing was 70% for me so that I could show him my changes and because it felt natural to me and 40% for the kids. When I dropped the rope we did the really separated thing. In both cases the kids were fine as long as the time we did the "exchanges" we were relaxed and cordial with each other. When we werent, the kids noticed immediately. The coming over thing, was very confusing to them. Their C was very strict about it and mad we kept ignoring her...
flowmom, my H responded BETTER to the REALLY separated thing. He started vocalising he wanted to stay at our home instead of just doing it which meant that he was actually thinking about it and was loosing face to do it, starting calling more often, started calling to talk to me and not about the kids, became curious.... It was not a coincidence.
Doing it so that he cant start fresh, is not the right motive. My H had a serious affair the whole time. Seeing me, didnt stop him. NOT seeing me, may have played a role to him reconsidering...
In BBj's case, there is NO doubt, the strict boundaries can ONLY do good. Bbj sweets, you have to finally realise DAN is not contributing to your happiness, he is minimising your chances to be happy. I know it sounds harsh, but it is the truth, at least from where I am looking at things.
You have used the kids, your religion, your past, his issues, everything you could to allow yourself to hold on to this man. I know because I have done the same. I am glad to notice that you are finally seeing the reality the way it actually is. K
