Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

Ok, so I had the music on, looked good, the candle scent filled the house, wore the lipstick and quickly left like I was going to be late if I didn't get out of there!

Went to a local pub that I had visited once before. I sat at the bar and ordered a beer and food. (I calculated how much I would need to work out tomorrow and how little I should eat to make up for the meal!) I took out my book and notebook and started taking notes. To my surprise, the waitress asks what I am studying, like it's for a class! I could have just been honest and said "this is for self enrichment...trying to woo my "husband" but before I could take it back I said "It's for my Philosophy of Love and Sex class!"

She said "Oh, where are you taking it? Is it at BSU?" I just nodded. She asked who my teacher was. I said "Uhhh..." and she said "Oh is it so and so, the really tall and theatrical gay guy?" I just said "yes!" It cracked me up because it was like in the movies or something! You know, where it is unrealistic that a person could crash a party or almost gets caught doing something but then gets away with it by PURE LUCK!

And luckily she never followed up with other questions. So then I ate and drank and read and headed to my belly dancing class. Damn, it was harder than I remembered! But I stuck it out! 7 more weeks to go. After I had some time to kill so I went to another restaurant and ordered a marionberry crumble BUT only ate half. (damn it- it just called my name!) I arrived home almost at 10.Usually it is around 9:30.

WH didn't have much to say other than S' night. I didn't say much. He said he'd be here tomorrow to pick up S.

Oh and my W2 arrived in the mail...he said "this year" we'll file jointly as planned, then split the return and he would just take care of it. Yes, it bothered me but I said "ok, thanks!" (because he is the one filing and doing the work)

And yes, I get tired thinking of all the hard work I am putting forth and wondering if it is worth it. I know we all tend to remember the "rosy times" of our relationship when it ends if we were the ones "dumped." Sure, I could meet another fella. It wouldn't be WH but he isn't perfect. It just sucks that we have a brand new baby together. &^%$##@!)(*&