What minute is it? I have had more ups and downs than the elevator in the empire state building. You have been reading my posts for most of these last two years. You know that I am usually a busy guy. That is how I have been coping with my sitch. I have been keeping busy. But lately I have been not so busy. So my mood has been swinging allot. I get frustrated because I sometimes think how if the bomb never happened and wife and I had a good marriage how what we are going through would be so much easier as long as we had each other. Really though things are 100 percent better that they were but I am still not happy. In a way I feel trapped. I really do not want to quit and leave but even if I wanted to I could not. Same goes with W at this time. My mind keeps flip flopping between just coming out and telling wife if she does not want to be married then she needs to file for D There were times I wanted to put post it notes over my face on our wedding pictures hanging in the hall THEN the next minute I want to try to “court her” again. I have been keeping these feeling to myself. 2009 ended pretty badly. Allot of stress. It marked my 6th month out of work which means my severance pay has all been used up. I had a “confrontation” with my Mom and sister, my truck was due for smog and I did not think it would pass. It was like the stress flood gate was opened…
BUT……
Since then I am at least talking again to my mom, My truck did pass smog and I have two resumes in and I passed the first stage for the City job that I really would like. W has finely realized that she is not going to find a job that pays what she was getting paid after 29 years with the same company. And she has some things that might be happening. Things between W and I have been really good. She was really a different person two years ago. We are holding steady right now. And I am trying to just keep it that way until at least one of us gets a job. I have started (now don’t laugh) “centering meditation” just for about a half hour a day I listen to this tape and just relax. This is new to me because I find it very hard to just do nothing. (As you can tell with my DBing)...
Next month is going to by busy. I have my written exam on Feb 11th. The letter said “there are no study materials” but said it would be on 1.Name and number matching (what ever that means) 2.Understanding Oral information 3.interpreting Diagrams and forms and 4. Basic Math
The only thing I am a little worried about is the basic Math. Don’t get me wrong I know basic math but for the last 28 years I have been doing allot of mechanical and electrical calibrations and most for the government. We were instructed to use calculator to ensure there were no mistakes so I am a little rusty doing them “long hand” but here is another area that has improved. As you might remember when my sitch started wife would put me down every chance she got. She could not wait for me to make a mistake to tell me how stupid I was. Tonight when I forwarded her the acceptance letter I got from the city she has started kind of quizzing me with my math skills. (In a good way) I will be preparing every day now for this exam so my time will again be busy. IF I pass this exam the next hurtle is a Polygraph test. Now for the most part I do not have a problem with it except I always hear horror stories about them not being accurate so we will see I also have jury duty on the 22nd AND THE 20TH IS MY B-DAY As for wife she is really excited tonight because she just received an E mail that she will be allowed to Re interview for the job…. So we both received job interviews today…….. This will be great because over the weekend we can help each other prepare for our interviews. We have already talked about it and she agreed. See in the past she would have not accepted my help.
Who knows this may be the best B-Day I have had in a long time. I know it will be better than two years ago when I spent it alone in Vegas.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
So my mood has been swinging allot.
